....Depends on My Mood

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

2011-12-27T19:13:00.000-06:00

My Pyrex addiction is in full force. I have hit a new low, or high depending on how you look at it. I traded some brand new in box Pampered Chef products, Tupperware, and Thirty-One items for some dusty, sticky, dirty vintage Pyrex. But the best part is that both of us walked away feeling like we came out ahead of the other.

Call me crazy but this is the way I see it. Pampered Chef, Tupperware, and 31 are turning out these products like crazy. Pyrex is out of the business of making pretty pieces. No more delphite, no more Spring Blossoms, no more Pink or Turquiose. Don't feel bad for me or for Jim. It's a harmless, relatively cheap hobby that brings me joy.

So hand over your Pyrex, your mother's Pyrex, and even your grandmother's Pyrex. I will happily soak, scrub, and love it.

Half of my collection...so far.

Pyrex Luck

2011-09-12T18:54:00.000-05:00

My family spent a lot of time thrifting this weekend.

After a much anticipated trip to a huge flea market 50 miles away, I left with almost NOTHING! I was so disappointed. Jim tried to make the best of it and encouraged me to stop at every random resale store we saw on the drive home.

The weekend's haul looked like this:

Some of the highlights were these:

We got this set of 36 pieces for $30!

I had a Pampered Chef team meeting to attend on Sunday so Jim and Anthony shopped alone to my surprise. Jim came home with quite a bit, plus this HUGE find. For $25!!!

After lots of washing and stacking, photo taking and rearranging, I REALLY need a new cabinet. Off to search craigslist for something that will work.

Hope you had a great weekend and got some great finds.

--Lisa
Vintage Vault

Trade Mania

2011-09-12T18:47:00.001-05:00

Busy two weeks for trading!

Traded with Leslie and was so excited to get new pieces.

[Then traded with PinkyPlatinum13]
She sent me

And I sent her:

401 & 403 of this set:

[Then I traded with taylor-madenews]
She sent me this:

And I sent this:
402 of this set:

{Next, a trade with Mama Mojo]
She sent this:

And I sent:

[Trade with vintage_sister]
She sent this:

And I sent:

[Trade with stephc1718]

This trade didn't go perfect but through no fault of Steph's. She wrapped everything with care but sometimes accidents happen.
She sent this, the red divided dish:

And I sent this:

Always up for more trading. I had so much fun! Check out my items for trade here!

Eat.Sleep.Pyrex

2011-09-07T20:24:00.000-05:00

I am so behind on blogging. Not that I haven't been busy or had plenty to say. It's just that lately I have had more things to brag about and less to complain about. That's always a good thing right? So if you want to make fun of my latest hobby/obsession, it's not crack so lay off. To all my fellow pyrex lovers and sympathizers, read on.

Love these three sets!

So I recently discovered Pyrex Trading. Trust me, I resisted the idea of parting with any of my precious pieces. I dug through old dusty boxes, talked to randoms strangers, and scrubbed Pyrex until my fingers were raw. I have stalked pieces at thrift stores, walked flea markets from end to end, showed up two hours early for estate sales and waited out never ending auctions to obtain Pyrex. Why would I give them up? It's simple. To get OTHER pieces without all that work.

My first trade was with Sarah. Sarah covered this awesome trade of Butterprint for Horizon. I completely understand Sarah's advice that Horizon is hard to find. But I accept this challenge!

I found Pyrex on Pinterest and got some motivation to get some pretty pyrex that has eluded me in Houston. Then I got organized. I started purging my current stock. Man, it was painful. I am still not done taking inventory but I will get there ONE DAY. I called out for fellow Houstonian collectors and posted my first calls for trades. I 'met' two Houstonian collectors and will soon be able to swap in person and help each other add to our collections. I created a Facebook for my own little world. Vintage Vault. Then came the photo album on Flickr. See how much work it takes to get organized? But hopefully it will pay off.

While some, ok maybe, most of my friends think I am insane. A few ~~enable~~ support my newest hobby. I love their support and generosity. I now own a primary fridgie set plus more. That day was better than Christmas. Unless of course, Christmas will mean every rare piece of Pyrex under my tree. I have awesome friends like Mandie who might think I am crazy, but still scoops up Pyrex for me wherever she goes. Yes, my family is really supportive of the Pyrex hunts. It's a family game. I love our weekends together. My son takes the low shelves, I take the eye level, and Jim takes the high shelves. How can we lose?

One third of our Labor Day Weekend finds!

So I have a few trades lined up and one successful one with Leslie already completed. Can't wait to post about more.

What Drought?

2011-06-18T17:16:00.000-05:00

We may be in a drought here in Houston, but it's been raining Pyrex on me lately. Well I am not exactly tripping over it, but after some digging, searching and yes, some stalking, I have accumulated quite the hauls over the weekends. I live for the weekends lately because it's a new chance to find some 'new-to-me' Pyrex.

After my Gramma gifted me this set, Spring Blossoms pieces seem to be finding me lately. It's not intentional but I won't turn it down either.

Here are some of of my recent pieces. I have to literally space them out to not send you into a photo coma. I still can't figure out how to rotate my pictures on this. I rotate them in picture editor but blogger undoes the changes.

Love the Pink Daisy!

My first Gooseberry piece!

Found these the next day.

I have since found the lid to the piece on the left.

Not crazy about this pattern.

Love this!

My first New Dots! This is one of my top 5 patterns.

My first carafe.

Who doesn't love Snowflake in the summer?

I had to look twice because I didn't recognize the pattern.

First Butterprint pieces.

Love the blue!

First Horizon Blue pieces.

This tiny dish is too cute!

More Butterprint!

Whew.....I'm exhausted just looking at all of them again. I am so happy to be expanding my collection. There is always tomorrow!

Pyrex MotherLoad

2011-05-23T11:18:00.000-05:00

My mother's day gift was a day of pyrex shopping. Jim seriously loves me. Anthony is in on the hunt now as well. Jim has taught him to spot it. So Anthony takes the low shelves, I take eye level and Jim takes all those tall shelves I never even notice. We are an unstoppable team!

My first Daisy pattern. My kitchen is much happier with this piece.

My first Friendship piece. I love this pattern.

My First Fridgie!

Another set I have no idea what to use it for?

This is a very small bowl. I have no idea what I will use it for but it's very cute.

I need to gain some self control. I can't help buying anything that has Pyrex on it. I got these home...now what? Back to Goodwill I guess.

For the Love of Pyrex

2011-04-27T08:15:00.000-05:00

As if I need more distractions in my life, my obsession with Pyrex is a recent one. But I hadn't fully given it my full attention. I was waiting for an auction to have a random piece for bidding or to see one at my local thrift store. Then I stumbled onto Pyrex Collective. It's a blog, really two, Erin added Pyrex Collective II when the first one was full of contributors. After a few weeks of stalking the blogs, I went hunting for my own pieces to start my collection. If anyone knows me, they know I don't half-ass anything. Jim is used to me getting consumed by whatever my latest obsession is. I found a few pieces and squealed with delight when I 'rescued' pieces from Goodwill.

So I made my (not-so) grand introduction to the blog. And then I did some more hunting. And some more showing. I have picked up so many pieces, I haven't had time to organize them all. My mother in law and my friend Heather have helped me grow my collection. I asked all my thrifty buddies to be on the look out for pieces for me. This past weekend, Jim and Anthony were really good sports and hunted with me. I was thrilled with my finds.

I started to wonder if my collection was going to get out of hand. Or had it already? How do I avoid Jim's heavy sighs when I ask him to bring in another box of Pyrex from the car? What? You mean you don't buy Pyrex by the box?

I saw the article in Country Living on collecting Pyrex. David Baker is a Pyrex dealer and showcased some of his pieces in the magazine. Yes, I already emailed him. I will let you know how it goes.

Why Pyrex? Yes it's pretty and fun. Yes, the pieces are durable and sturdy. But mostly--it reminds me of my parents, my childhood. Everything we cooked, we made in a Pyrex bowl. My parents had the Butterfly Gold pattern. From tuna casserole to pancake batter, it was made in a Cinderella bowl. And sometimes burned.

The way I figure, it's a much less expensive hobby that collecting Coach. And definitely more pretty to display.

To be continued....

Recycling Has Its Limits

2011-04-14T20:46:00.003-05:00

I am well aware that I can never be a home interior decorator (wait, is that the new politically correct term? I can't keep up). When someone tells me their vision, my brains gets foggy. Words like sconces, valance, settee, finial, all put me to sleep. My vision means two things--it matches and it's clean. I would be the worse client because in my home I don't know what I want, but I will know it when I see it. This is why my home is so bleak. But hey, everything matches, and it's clean. : )

I browse endless home decorating blogs hoping that something strikes my fancy and definitely hoping that I can afford it when it does. Jim thought my link to a $5000 headboard was a joke. Trust me it was gorgeous, but if you choose to spend $5K on a headboard, come see me. I can find a much more productive way to spend that money.

Anyway, so I came across a before and after bedroom redo that was winning acclaim in the bloggety world.

This is the BEFORE picture. Nothing great, a little dated, but everything matches and its not straight from Hoarders.

And yet, this is the giant 'Move That Bus' reveal?

Clearly, I am not a home decor expert, but I feel like the biggest factor in this upgrade is that they got new sheets. Scratch that, I had to read the text again because my brain ignores absurd details. This chick MADE new sheets from her husband's old work shirts. And I can't be certain but they probably had sweat stains on them. Gross.

On to the Elephant in the Room.

I get people like the whole Rustic, I live in a barn look, but I don't. I don't understand buying new furniture that looks used and beat up and paying Pottery Barn prices. These people are clearly on the opposite end of Pottery Barn shoppers.

Building a headboard out of mildew-ey planks? Nope, not for me. These are from a barn, the dude's grandpa's barn that was condemned. (More absurd details I had to reread._ I'm all for reusing, recycling, and more---but sometimes, you should just let it go. Let it go.

I sent these photos along with a ranting email to Jim (as most of my blogs start) who in turn promised to never build me furniture out of a random neighbor's trash heap. Just checking.

Operation Curb Appeal

2011-04-03T20:09:00.000-05:00

After almost three years in our home and complaining about the stupid crepe myrtles we hate--we finally did something about it. {To be fair, Jim trimmed them even with the bushes and mowed the lawn right before the 'before' pictures.} Ok...we hired someone to do something about it.

I am super excited about what a difference it made. We were told our yard has SO much POTENTIAL. Then more about flowers and bushes, adding curb appeal, and then I went deaf. Low maintenance. That's all I care about. I'm too focused on my garden to care about flowers.

Jim tries his best, but let's face it...his job leaves him with little time and/or energy to spend in the yard. Shhh...he would be embarrassed I showed these pictures.

Our grass is dying but we are on a quest to bring it back to life. All I care about is that I can see the pathway to my little garden.

Front Yard - Before

Front Yard - After

Back Yard - Before

Back Yard - After

Back Yard - Before

Back Yard - After

How Does Your Garden Grow?

2011-03-30T19:31:00.000-05:00

Evidently I have the most high maintenance garden on the planet...or I am super lazy and ignorant to the needs of ~~others~~ plants. Suck it FarmTown...where are my workers now? This started, mostly because I get ticked off at grocery stores for charging outrageous prices for produce and herbs. If I can grow it, it's like FREE, right? Haven't factored in all the labor yet. I am even aiming to sell some at the Farmer's Market in my PC booth. {I will interpret your snickers as jealousy escaping your body.) Lindsay told us the other day that her husband will stockpile grain and other basic necessities to barter in the event the economy craps out. All my paranoia came out with this scenario--thanks Lindsay. Maybe Andy is onto something. And they have LAND, like real LAND, not tiny plots governed by the HOA. I need to get something worthwhile to barter. If the economy goes to crap and I can trade tomatoes for Wyndie's cakeballs....I might be able to handle a Second Great Depression.

Here is a shot of the current garden (I hate blogger):

No, I won't plant them in the ground.

Yeah! I have tomatoes!

My overly friendly cucumber plant is always trying to reach out. Look at it (him? her?) trying to strangle my herbs!

What a needy thing!

So my little quest to grow my own food is off to a good start. Maybe I will one day be able to barter with Andy and Wyndie when everything goes to crap. Fingers crossed!

Who Knew Golf was Relevant?

2011-03-19T20:25:00.000-05:00

So months ago my friend Heather mentioned she had 'something' for me that 'might be useful or might be trash.' I'm not sure what most people would say to that, but I immediately replied, 'Neat! When can I see it?'

Heather went out to her car (I love instant gratification!) and brought me an old golf ball display case she picked up at a garage sale. I wasn't sure what I could do with it, but knew I didn't want it to be thrown away, so I took it.

It sat in my garage for months. I actually did have to foresight to take a picture of it for the 'before' shot, but I can't seem to locate it now. I know this takes away from the ooh and aah factor but you'll get over it.

It looked similar to this (minus the door):

I got the grand idea of turning this into a ribbon station. I promptly woke Jim up and asked him to drill holes into the stand. I'm sure he's used to this by now. Later, at a decent hour, Jim drilled the holes, propped the stand on our fence (for what reason--I will never know) and the winds overnight knocked it off and broke it into several pieces. I, of course, insisted it could be saved--or he would have to buy me a new, genuine ribbon station for breaking this one. Ha!

Some Gorilla Glue, spray paint, and a few months later, I am the proud owner of a ribbon station! Even Jim was impressed with my reconstruction job. I think I stayed committed because Jim tried to throw this piece away, MANY TIMES. He thinks I would not notice. Doesn't he know by now...I know everything?

Thank you Heather! Hope you can visit it soon!

My Life Would Suck Without You

2011-02-14T17:57:00.002-06:00

I don’t need wilted flowers today. I don’t need a box of stale chocolates. I don’t need an overpriced card from Hallmark. No trips to Rome. No diamond earrings. No carriage rides in the park. I’m not that kind of girl. Those kinds of things don’t really measure the love of a man or his worth.

I have a man who:

acts as my better half, my partner, my best friend—and sometimes, my partner in crime
goes to work well before the sun rises and comes home after the sun has set every day without complaint
comes home when he should and never leaves me wondering where he is, who he is with.
fathers and supports my son—not out of obligation or blood relation, but out of love
supports my decision—to go back to school, to change jobs, to start a new business
takes the heavy bags—and not just mine—my mom’s, my gramma’s, my friends’
gives me his jacket when I forget mine
tolerates my moods even though on most days, he could probably justify committing me
sits through whatever movie, show, exhibit, play even though he is bored out of his mind
devotes about 10 minutes every other day to help me look for my cell phone, ATM card or whatever else I misplaced again
does the gross jobs I refuse to do like clean the toilets or dig around in the garbage disposal for whatever I lost down the drain
and countless other things

I don’t believe in needing people. I can’t be that reliant. But I do embrace finding someone that makes it all worthwhile. The one that is your cheerleader for the good and is in your corner for the bad. The one that trusts you enough to be both of those things for him as well. I am grateful that I have someone who smiles when I boast that I don’t NEED anyone for ANYTHING and doesn’t even throw it in my face when I call him for everything on those days I just can’t deal with it.

I am past the point in my life where I compare. I know better than to look at other relationships as a guide to my own. I see good and bad in everyone’s relationship, including my own. I hope everyone has the kind of balance, love, respect that we have. However it comes for you, however it works for you…I hope it just works for you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I {Heart} Pyrex

2011-01-20T18:37:00.002-06:00

I have a confession to make. I have a new addiction. In efforts to scale back our (mainly me, ok mostly me, ok fine, ALL me) spending, I have been hitting up thrift stores and resale shops for the last year or two. It works, for me at least. Jim quietly comments that instead of expensive things, I come home with cheap crap—and more of it. Bah!

So lately I am obsessed with Pyrex. I got two nice sets of Pyrex for our Housewarming a few years ago, but I can’t ever seem to have enough. Between my less recent obsession with Tupperware (a topic for another day) and the new Pyrex addiction, my kitchen cabinets should be squealing with glee.

Not my cabinet...but oh how I wish it was!
Photo from Pinterest

But my addiction has taste and class—it is satisfied by vintage only. You know the Pyrex your mom had and almost killed you when you dropped it even though it didn’t break? Oh maybe that was just at my house. Well those patterns. Fun, funky, whimsical. So fun, I even get over that they don’t match. And if you know me, you know matching is the 11th Commandment at my house. {Yes, I am working on this.}

Would Jim allow me to devote an entire wall to Pyrex?

So the other night I went to an auction DETERMINED to take home some Pyrex. This lady drove up the bids EVERY time. Normally I saw Pyrex lots go for $5 before I had any interest. It was like the universe was working against me and denying me this box full of dusty, vintage Pyrex.

Since my coveted Pyrex was playing hard to get, I had to choose my battles. I let the green Spring Blossom Print go in favor of the black Snowflake. Pyrex makes dishes in every color! Who knew? I thought it was avocado green, harvest gold or clear. But Black Pyrex is really special to me. Vintage Black and White Pyrex? What clever designers! Give me more please.

Love this! Want this! Need to have it!
Photo From BlueBirdVintage

So I have been spending my days browsing the web jealous of other Pyrex lovers/collectors. While I know you at home are rolling your eyes—I can find joy in the little things. If little things means scoping out every GoodWill within 25 miles, knocking over an old lady to grab the piece, bringing it home, washing it with love and care, reorganizing my kitchen, standing back and just staring at the newly arranged cabinet –then yes, I take pleasure in the little things.

PS For those of you willing to duke it out with me in GoodWill over a piece, check out this website: http://www.pyrexlove.com/

NOTE: If you google Pyrex and click on images--several images of 'tobacco' pipes will come up. Just a fun fact.

I'm Stuck on Vinyl

2011-01-17T18:49:00.001-06:00

So lately we've been hanging out with Mandie Morris of Altar'd at various events and auctions. If you don't know her, check her out! She does fabulous work. Her husband, Colby and Mandie are two of our favorite people. I took a painting class from her and had all these notions of one day painting furniture too. Except--it's hard work and Mandie never sleeps. So it's more fun to stalk her blog and look at everything she does without changing my home decor every time she posts something great. I am on the hunt for a new bedroom and dining set and will be beating down Mandie's door when I am ready to redo them.

But, let's get back to the story. Every time I visit Mandie, her house changes. Seriously, I want to take notes. Mandie told me her sister Amy owns Vinyl Attraction. After my kitchen redo last month, I knew I needed Amy's help to label my fantastic organization.

Remember these? Before:

After (Vinyl Attraction):

I could have teamed up with reliable AVERY and added some standard clip art, but I wanted something pretty not just functional. Something aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Something fantastic, not just to people who visit my kitchen, but something that makes me smile every time I reach for some flour.

Mission Accomplished! Amy can do anything! She does it quickly and VERY reasonably priced. I was pleased I didn't have to spend the amount that the other vendor wanted. Yeah, I'm talking to you Uppercase Living. I can't wait to get my next order to Amy to feed my labeling addiction!

Letting Go in 2011

2011-01-04T13:20:00.001-06:00

Resolution...schmezolution....
I hate New Year's Resolutions. It sets you up for certain failure. Maybe that's just me and I have a hard time sticking to anything, Call it ADD (which I don't), call me non-commital...I don't care. I usually obsess and then burn out. Want to give some jackass a reason to harrass you? Tell them your New Year's resolution, because some people love nothing more than to highlight a failure. Not you, of course, but some people.

Unless it's a grudge. If holding a grudge was some kind of marathon, I'd surely earn a gold mdeal. It's nothing intentional, I just can't help myself. And even when I have fooled myself into thinking perhaps, that's water under the bridge, I run into that person at Wal-Mart and feel the wrath wash over me. It may be childish or petty, but at least I am honest.

Very few people I have come across give sincere apologies. They apologize because they got caught, or they look bad or they want life to go back to being the way it was before they pissed you off. I don't work that way. I don't forgive easily and I don't give insincere apologies--which is why you rarely hear me apologize. It's not because I am prideful or think I am always right. It's because MOST of my actions are deliberate and intentional and I am rarely sorry. I think giving an insincere apology is add insult to injury. Sometimes I am mean-spirited and quick-tempered. I usually know the ramifications of my actions. I work on controlling my words and actions, but hey, sometimes anger gets the best of me. So if I ever apologize for something, it means something. I mean it. I am sorry. I'm sorry my anger hurt you. I am sorry my actions were thoughtless and inconsiderate. Not--I'm going to say [blah] so we can pretend to move on.

So while your resolution maybe to lose weight or quit smoking--{no judgement, God knows I should be aiming to get healthy too}--my non-resolution is going to be a little different. Trying to let things go, you know, not hold that grudge over the girl who borrowed my Pampered Chef tablecloths ($40 a piece) and then moved to Oklahoma with them. Or not to be mad at the friend of Jim's who told Jim, 'yeah, I will pay you next time I see you' and we haven't seen him for months. And trying to let things go that can't be repaid or replaced--things that hurt or angered me deeply. Yes, I know the most obvious part of this non-resolution is to not be so quick to anger--but I am a work in progress.

And if you harrass me for not keeping my non-resolution, then you are THAT jackass.

Black & White and Tangled All Over

2010-12-29T06:51:00.003-06:00

So last year, I took over $1000 worth of brand new jewelry and accessories from White House Black Market to a resale shop. Yes, they added it up. I made about $300 dollars off of it, which was awesome since I only paid about $100 for it. I love 90% off sales, plus coupons, plus additional discounts because the cashier was super nice.

And some of the jewelry I kept, thinking I would wear it one day. Add in a couple of miscellaneous Christmas pins and you have an organizing nightmare. I don't wear costume jewelry often but I hated the disorganization of it all so much, I stored the jewelry box far, far away from me.

Even the dividers are useless. This is an organization feature that goes against nature.

Yesterday on a whim, I took my tired old bulletin board that is never used because it is so sad looking and made it over.

Seriously, I think it took away from my awesome scrapbook room I never use.

Take a hammer, get some felt, a staple gun, and some ribbon from White House Black Market and voila! I can actually see all my fake stuff. Jim's request is that none of the jewelry he buys me ends up on this board.

Now if I will actually wear it, is another thing.

Yep, I still have the price tags on several of these pieces. The earrings were taken out of the package just for this purpose.

Note to Lindsay (who is the best Stella & Dot Stylist ever): I will host a Stella & Dot party soon and get more jewelry, and more COLOR, to add to this board, and possibly to me.

The Other Shoe Won't Drop

2010-11-28T10:42:00.001-06:00

Because I keep my shoes safely in the original boxes, when possible.

Back in January, I thought it would be a great idea to take pictures of all my shoes to put on the front of the boxes. That project led to me getting rid of about 60 pairs of my shoes. So I was too sad to do anything about it later. Actually, life happens and I forgot about it.

So I finally printed the pictures and got to work on labeling the boxes. Going through the pictures, I realized I forgot what I had. I got myself confused and thought I got rid of more shoes than I actually did. Score! I didn't have pictures of all the shoes, since I have bought shoes since then...geez that was almost a year ago. That offset the sadness I felt about pictures I had for shoes I got rid of since January.

Here are the BEFORE pictures.

Side note: I detest that I usually end up buying the display since it's the smallest size they carry. Ugh!

I try to keep them all sort by brand, style, and season.

Shh....this is how Jim stores his shoes.

This makes me think Jim is lucky he is so cute and funny. His organization methods clearly didn't make me swoon! But then again, when I met him, he only had two pair of shoes so there wasn't much need for organization. And his clothes were all blue and black so he didn't sort them but color. He didn't sort them at all now that I think about it...but I digress...

Last Look...jacked up sideways.

So that was last week. Here is the AFTER!

I will eventually take pictures of all the new shoes I have bought since then. But for now, this works.

Good thing I had the quick wit to ask Jim why he was throwing away his shoe boxes. Since they never make it back in the boxes, he figured he didn't need them. To which I replied, "Um, yeah....I need you to actually put your shoes in the boxes and stack them. That gives me more room for future purchases." Crisis averted!

I am super happy with it. And kudos to Jim for being a good sport about it. I am grateful he pulled them all down in January so I can take pictures, then put them all back up. Then pulled them all down to add photos yesterday and cut all the tape into strips, and put them all back up. And I guess I owe him a daily thank you for pulling a pair down each day. I would do it myself, but I almost ate it falling off the step ladder so it just makes more sense for him to do it.

Idle Hands....

2010-11-27T21:10:00.003-06:00

...are probably the best thing that can happen to my house. Staying home for a few days is driving me crazy....so when stressed-I organize, and reorganize, and reorganize some more. Just when Jim thought he'd figured out the latest layout of the kitchen, I changed it on him. While he was sleeping and working, I was pulling stuff out of every cabinet, running to Wal-Mart for new containers and making a hell of a lot of noise. He can sleep through anything, I swear! I have a problem I know..but there are worse things in life.

I decided to redo the pantry. It's too deep and narrow and tall. Overall, a pain to get things out of for a short person like myself. Usually my projects begin at the worst times and start with the simple move of one item. Needless to say, I never have the foresight to take a BEFORE picture. I started pulling everything out of the pantry and heard Anthony say 'Whoa! That's a lot of stuff!' Then I remembered to take a picture.

Contents of the pantry

More things from the pantry

How does it all FIT in this TINY space? (PS Why does blogger flip my pictures?)

Starting to put it all back.

Slowly but surely--nevermind I probably rearranged it 15 times while doing it.

One of the other cabinets. Whether you believe me or not, I have seriously limited my stockpiling of food.

Baking Stuff is a little low...I've made a lot of things lately.

I LOVE these baskets...they hold all kinds of stuff and you can still SEE what you have!

Which is handy when you have every flavor of Jell-O

I was trying to place 'like' things together. This is my half done baking area. The containers on the left are the previous storage containers. I say previous because I have redone them about 4 times in the past two years. The containers on the right are the ones I moved to. Mandie's sister owns Vinyl Attraction and is making me custom appliques for labeling the jars! Woo Hoo!

DURING: Baking Stuff

After (Kinda): Can't wait to get my new labels!

Bought some new spice jars to organize all my sprinkles. Turns out they don't fit! (anyone want to tell me how to flip pictures?)

And I also found this surprise...my can of icing exploded. Nice...

Did I mention I LOVE glass containers? So pretty much, I overbought and didn't want to take them back. So I thought up things to put in them. And then rearranged them another 15 times.

But I feel better after all of that. Jim says he doesn't have to put up groceries since he doesn't know where anything goes anymore-AGAIN. Jim also said, "I don't know why you bother buying something cheaper to save money. You aren't happy and spend more money buying other substitutes. Just buy the first thing you really want." All I heard was....spend our last dime if that's what makes you happy! Hee hee...he's lucky I can't and refuse to pay full price for anything. Until the next kitchen redo....

My First Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T18:12:00.001-06:00

So Anthony had a talk with me about not cooking our own Thanksgiving dinner. My mom thought it was a good idea to start our own traditions at home. So having no idea how to make a turkey and no roaster...I still attempted it. I think I did okay. Not bad for just me!

Pumpkin Gingerbread, Beer Bread, Turkey, Green Bean Casserole, Gravy, Cranberry Sauce (canned)

Broccoli Rice Casserole, Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes, Lemon Bars and Pecan-Pumpkin Pie

All that work and it was over in 20 minutes. Maybe next year we go to Luby's.

Find Out Who Your Friends Are

2010-11-24T07:44:00.001-06:00

I heard this song on the radio and don't ever get tired of it. It always makes me remember how lucky I am. I am grateful for all the wonderful people in my life....new and old. The ones I have just met recently and the ones I have know since I was in the first grade. Over the years, I have I found out the hard way who my friends aren't and been pleasantly surprised about who had my back. You are all much loved and appreciated.
Thank you,
-Lisa

Find Out Who Your Friends Are
Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare

This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn't know
This is where the truth don't lie
{Chorus}
You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your back
wants to shake your hand
when you're up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up and see who's around then

This ain't where the road comes to an end
This ain't where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when
A lot of folks jump off

{Chorus}

When the water's high
When the weather's not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who's gonna be there?

{Chorus}

You find out who your friends are
(yeah, yeah)
You find out who your friends are

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
(Well man, I've been there)
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare
(Man, I've been there)

This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn't know
This is where the truth don't lie

{Chorus}

You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your back
wants to shake your hand
when you're up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up
and see who's around then

This ain't where the road comes to an end
This ain't where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when
A lot of folks jump off

{Chorus}
When the water's high
When the weather's not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who's gonna be there?
{Chorus}
You find out who your friends are
(yeah, yeah)
You find out who your friends are

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
(Well man, I've been there)
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare
(Man, I've been there)

My Solution to the Furniture Graveyard

2010-08-13T10:01:00.004-05:00

Soooooooooooo, it's been awhile since I last ranted. That doesn't mean there is little to rant about---it just means Jim bore the brunt of it! Poor guy. Although, secretly I think he likes his 'poor guy' status since he knows it just requires staying quiet.

My Pampered Chef business is going on autopilot {Not that I won't take an order--but cutting back on shows.} for a bit because I have found something else. AUCTIONS. I love auctions. I love the random people I can make fun of, the way I am encouraged to be nosy and look through other people's things--hey, I even {heart} the faint smell of Sharpie on my bidding card.

But walking past a furniture graveyard--one after another, can take a toll on a girl! I found a silver lining to all the thrift shopping that sometimes leaves me sad. Paint it. What a difference a fresh coat of paint can make. And who doesn't want a clean slate? So I took a class from Mandie at Altar'd {check me out!} where she taught us the basics of painting. Kinda---she tried her best, but my mind was elsewhere. And my eyes were too. I couldn't help but stare at all the different decor she had in her house. It's one of those homes that looks eclectic and warm--but you could never do those types of things in your own home. This chick should be a home stager. {Pictures coming soon} I have to take it all in because it's like being on a vacation from my home.

So in my usual anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-mode, Jim and I decided to focus on restoration and see where it leads. There are plenty of furniture makeover gals in the Houston area--the problem is, none of them produce anything that matches my home and personality. So it's not so much better as it is--DIFFERENT. I tell Jim I want bold colors, contrasting colors, awesome designs and appliques. Because who doesn't love houndstooth and damask?

So the rest is a blur:

Name of the company-check.
Logo for the company--check. {Thanks to Amy Salvato of Amy Marie Studio & Designs}
Government paperwork that seems utterly redundant and pointless--check.

We've hit up some auctions/goodwills/garage sales and more. Look out, because I am ruthless at these! It is all knees and elbows when I see something I like. We made some money selling anything I could, meaning existing furniture in my house, toys, clothes, books, movies, etc. Seriously,--do you like something in my house--name a price. I'm not above selling the mirrors off my walls--oh wait--I already sold the bathroom mirror off the wall. That was a double win. I made money and it was a not-so-subtle hint to Jim that 'it's been almost two years, paint the damn bathroom already'!

Tonight is power tools shopping! We need a definite upgrade to our garage power tool sections.<----read that? OUR GARAGE. I know Jim flinched as he read that. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Tomorrow begins the great circle of paint in the room formally known as the formal dining room we have never used.

Here is our logo:

Silver Lining Restoration was conceived out of the idea that furniture can be redone for practical and aesthetic purposes. In the current times, we are all striving to make do with less. While some things are a necessity, like furniture, you still want a piece of furniture or decor that you can be proud to showcase in your home. Restoring existing furniture is economical, reduces waste, and can be tailored to individual preferences. From the start, it may be hard to look beyond the surface with some pieces, but there is always a Silver Lining that can be made into something fabulous!

Stayed tune kiddos!

My Scrapbook Room--Finally!

2010-04-22T06:13:00.009-05:00

I have been neglecting posting pictures of my work in progress scrapbook room. I have obtained the BIG things but haven't really organized everything to my liking. I think Jim is just excited it's not in boxes and I stopped waking him up at night and saying--'You know what would really make a cool ribbon holder?' or other rhetorical questions. Well rhetorical to him but meaningful to me!

Here it is:
Jim surprised me with several of these cubes he bought at Michaels. Six of the cubes, I bought from a REALLY nice lady on craigslist who sold them to me for next to nothing!

I love paper--can't get enough of it.

This is my BLING Spinner that holds all the special, extra pretty brads. I picked up this spice rack at a garage sale for $5 found another one at Goodwill for $4--but I don't know what to put in them yet.

This was part of my b-day gift from Jim. He got it at Michaels--Care Bears not included.

These cabinets were another craigslist find!

Here's a peek inside: I had to double up on these organizers. One holds alphabet brads and the other holds embellishments. The floss boxes hold specialty brads, buttons, safety pins, etc.

My drawers of adhesives, Sidekick and Cricut.

More Ribbon...

Oh how I love argyle..

My drawer of markers...

Still haven't had time to actually scrapbook so it's nice and tidy.

My awesome sign from Khristina!

I found this file cabinet on C for $10! My I {heart} Jim notepad seems appropriate. This holds all my 8x11 paper.

Found this on CL too. Some guy made it for his scrapper wife and she never used it. I haven't used it much either but I like it for some reason. I'm sure I will find a purpose.

More baskets of ribbon.

Stamps, Punches, Scissors...

Embossing Powders, Ink Pads, and Glitter Galore

The ink holders in the first pic (black and pink) and the white slotted one are actually old cassette tape holders.

These are elfa bins from Container Store. I found them on CL for so cheap I felt guilty.

So more work to be done but at least I have most of it in place. Now I just need to find the time.

Jesse James is Good For One Thing...

2010-04-17T13:56:00.005-05:00

....facilitating the union of Sandra and Keanu. And screwing around with skanky Nazi chicks. And getting everyone's attention (for a second) off of Tiger Woods.

But Sandra & Keanu have a second, third, wait, I think this is the fourth chance. They are clearly a match made in Heaven, or in my junior high aged mind. Granted, I have a super life long crush on him (and Jim---you better take me to see him play if he comes to Houston-you promised!) but Sandra is such a good pick for him.

I mean look at these two--->

I am super excited about the rumor that the two of them are getting together for the following reasons:

It means Sandra Bullock came back to her senses. WTF was she thinking? Did I call this or what?
More movies with Keanu
And most importantly--confirms that my junior high crush is NOT GAY. Not that there is anything wrong with that...but damnit...leave one for us already. I will give you Ricky Martin but leave Keanu Reeves.

That's all.

You Gonna Finish That?

2010-04-16T14:52:00.002-05:00

So Mercedes and I went to Arcadian Bakers for lunch...more out of desperation and lack of options. See, I drug Mercedes to Blue Bird Circle (one of the best thrift stores ever! I will comment on my thrift store addiction at a later time when I can face my demons) so the bakery is the closest thing to eat.

A warning--the service is slow, the service sucks, and the food is hit or miss. How these people stay in business escapes me? That, and I can't stand having someone's political views mixed with food. I want you to bake me cookies---not relive your Bush/Cheney glory days while I wait.

Moving on--so after ordering such a healthy (ha!) BLT with avocado..I gave into also ordering two Buck Eyed Susans. Mind you--getting someone to come to the counter, take our order, and take our money was an excruciating amount of time. This old bat behind us was complaining the entire time. Listening to her made me pissed off about it, and conscious of the line growing behind us. Hindsight made me realize that cranky lady waiting to order a cookie will be me in 40 years.

So I picked up my bakery bag off the counter and promptly dropped my Buck Eyed Susan cookies on the dirty floor of the bakery--icing side down! I stood there staring--and mourning the loss of one cookie--one stayed in the bag, Woo hoo! I was interrupted by some lady [not the cranky one] tell me there was an eight second rule. I looked at her, horrified. The floor looks filthy and to be honest, after looking at it...I started to wonder how I trust the food? She said "You aren't going to throw it away are you?" Well yes, stupid lady---that's what you do to dirty food. She then asked if she could have it. I pretended not to hear her and put it on the counter. I must have looked really pitiful when I told the employee I dropped my cookie, because she gave me another one for free. Awesome! The lady ended up taking my cookie. Gross!

Suck It Bieber

2010-03-26T15:55:00.001-05:00

Not sure who this Bieber kid is...but I can tell you what--I now hate him.

Saw a picture of this:

Not to be confused in any way, shape, or form with this original:

John Cusack would SOOOOOOOOOO drop kick your ass if he wasn't such a nice guy and it wasn't illegal. Endangering the welfare of a child isn't his thing. I hope the Bieber trend dies down--this kid makes Efron look like a lumberjack. And yet, my kid is slowing gaining interest. The second my kid asks for a gay striped cardigan, I'm cancelling the cable.

Letter to Jen Lancaster

2010-03-22T14:48:00.002-05:00

Jen,

I feel like I can call you Jen because after reading all your books, I feel like I know you. Please don't be offended or worry that I will stalk you. I'm far too lazy and easily distracted to stalk anyone.

Anyhoo--I just wanted to drop you a line and give you some kudos.

I had to repurchase one of your books (long story, I'm very OCD about my books) and luckily it wasn't the one you autographed. After forking over $27.01 to Borders, I figured I might as well re-read the book. I found one of those security labels they attach to CDs, movies, and designer purses wedged in the middle. I was pretty damn impressed Borders had a theft alarm device on your book. Hell, I am impressed that theft is a problem at Borders. I'm not condoning theft, but any trip to the mall can tell you that our society isn't suffering from literature addicts. But it's telling that your book had one and the John Grisham and James Patterson books didn't!

Just wanted to say you are a literary rock star in the eyes of Borders and of course, me.

See you in Houston soon!
Lisa Palacios

Beautifying My Scrapbook Room

2010-02-24T15:53:00.000-06:00

My FB postings are evidence of my latest obsession: My scrapbook room.

I have finished my MBA and can now unpack all my scrapbook supplies and take over the second master room. Except—I have no furniture. And I can’t bring myself to spend an extravagant amount of money on a hobby that costs so much already. So I have been hitting up resale shops, thrift stores and garage sales and Craigslist in search of items that will serve the purpose. More items I come across seem to serve lots of purposes over the years and need a lot of love and work.

Apparently finding a custom cabinet maker who doesn’t charge a house note is harder than I thought so I might have to take on this project after all. The problem is I want to scrapbook, not refinish furniture!

But I stumbled across this ad on Craigslist and fell in love. Mind you, most of you know I can’t really deal with the whole shabby chic thing—I’m too matchy/matchy for that. But who can argue with some of these creations?

Altar’d isn’t too far from my home to check it out in person. It might just be worth hauling my garage sale finds to Altar’d and them beautify the furniture for me. Hmm……

Comics-ooza-Something

2010-02-17T13:04:00.000-06:00

Last night at our Fat Tuesday dinner, Rene [brother-in-law] said he was taking Jim to Comics-ooza--something. As with most conversations that don't interest me I only heard parts of it. "Chewbacca...Staw Wars...Evil Dead" I stopped listening. Rock on..whatever..I will stay home and scrapbook.

Today I saw an article about Comicpalooza --which is the same thing when you are paying attention.
Hold up, isn't that similar to Comic-Con? The only reason I can even recollect Comic-Con is because it is filed in my brain with Robert Pattinson, Robert Downey Jr. and Johnny Depp under "Events Attended by Celebrities I Love"

Apparently they don't tell you if GOOD people are coming to the expo. Just a bunch of people who wear furry costumes in movies I don't care about.

But maybe, fingers crossed, my celebs will be promoting their movies, Eclipse, IronMan 2, Alice in Wonderland...........I may have to tag along.

Rene will be thrilled.

Momma Can Knock You Out!

2010-02-12T13:49:00.001-06:00

Ok maybe it's just me but when I read the following story...(to tell the truth I didn't get very far into the article) and my brain said [WTF?]. Obviously this little girl didn't have a mom like mine. What was the mom NOT doing in the prior 16 years to make her daughter think that kind of behavior would get results? When I was little my Dad said I threatened to call the police to report them for spanking me. All I can say is--I don't remember calling, we got spanked, and my sister and I never ended up in jail.

Spare me the bleeding heart BS about spanking damages a child's self esteem. There is a huge difference between abuse and discipline. I wasn't abused so I can't speak to that--I was disciplined. I have tried all the time outs, groundings, and scoldings--but some things just warrant an ass whipping. I've earned them as a child and given them as an adult.

As a teen, I did lose my mind and fight with my mom. I won't and probably shouldn't give out the details, but my mom didn't call the PoPo, that's for sure. And I eventually saw the light (through force, but still.) See? I'm still kinda scared of my mom. Although she will only admit to maybe 2 spankings-that apparently was enough to put the fear of God into us. Don't let her demeanor now fool you about the Mom then. She was a stone cold soldier determined to raise her girls right in this crazy world. I think she did ok. And having my backside red or sore didn't do a thing to my self-esteem. I have a job, a home, a family, pay my taxes, go to church, and don't have a rap sheet. Why? Because I was afraid to screw up as a kid and face my mom's wrath. And I can bet my kid feels the same way about me.

That's why when you hear a kid say 'Shut up Mommy, you're stupid' you can be DAMN sure it wasn't my kid. I spank my kid. I use my judgment on when he needs a spanking. And if my kid threatens to "kick my ass"--God help his soul, because the police won't be able to help.

Girl lashes out over school, gets arrested

February 12, 2010 12:02 pm Thayer Evans wrote:

Police say a 16-year-old girl was arrested at a League City school this week after she told her mother she was going to "kick her ass" for trying to enroll her.

The incident occurred Tuesday afternoon at Ed White Memorial High School, a charter school at 218 E. Main.

League City Police Sgt. John Jordan said the girl and her mother were in the principal's office when the girl made the threat. The principal walked out of the office and summoned a police officer who was patrolling the school as an extra job.

Even though her mother did not want to press charges, Jordan said the teen was arrested for making a terroristic threat because the mother feared she'd be injured. The mother said she had been assaulted by her daughter in the past but didn't report it, police said.

"She had no doubt that her daughter would assault her," Jordan said.

"It fit the elements of a terroristic threat, and with it being family violence, you can arrest to prevent further violence even if the victim doesn't want to press charges," he said.

League City Police Lt. Bruce Whitten said the girl was taken to the League City police station for processing, and the case was then handed over to the Galveston County Juvenile Justice Department, who will decide what charges to pursue if any. The teen's name is not being released because she is a juvenile.

The Hugger Got Me!

2010-02-11T08:55:00.002-06:00

After my last post about personal space and my attempt to avoid affection.

She hugged me!

But the joke's on her--I was all sweaty and I'm sure I smelled like shit.

{After much consideration}

She is a nice lady who cheers everyone on and compliments everyone. She also makes me smile because she is dancing during every workout step and looks SO HAPPY about it. Besides, how could I be angry toward a woman who told me I look slimmer?

I realized I had to add a new category to my blogs: Genuinely Nice People

Don't Stand So Close to Me

2010-02-10T14:44:00.002-06:00

So I got sick and didn't finish the last week of Boot Camp. Whatever. I paid for it. I felt like shit. I didn't go. End of story.

But, Mercedes, my Boxing BFF, told me about how emotional the last workout session was. She starts telling me about the details but when I hear things like--crying, hugging, sharing, feelings...my eyes glossed over and my mind shuts down. Um...I mostly showed up because I hit things and no one judges me. In fact, Termite even cheers us on for hitting stuff. That's my kind of class. But with all this hugging, feelings, crying BS, I am thinking my sinus infection was God's way of letting me avoid this situation.

Until Monday night. Monday night was like a long lost reunion. (Note: Another reason not to attend our stupid high school reunion semi-organized by useless people who only care about their 5 opinions) Monday night started our Boxercise class. People were hugging like they were separated at birth. They are tearful and joyous at the same time...it's weird. Um..it’s literally been 1-2 days since you have last seen each other. Get a grip.

I am shell-shocked for obvious reasons. Ok, maybe just obvious to me. I don't recall learning anyone's name and yet this lady wants to hug me. My body recoils. ugh..how can be expected to work out under such conditions?

I refrain from telling Jim stories surrounding 'almost-hugging' moments. He thinks it's a riot and wants to savor every second of my discomfort. Sometimes I don't know how he puts up with me since he is the affection King and my idea of affection is pulling on his ear. Seriously, if you see me do this in public, it might LOOK mean, but deep down, it's love. I guess I never progressed beyond hair pulling on the playground.

Anyway---not the point.

I can't continue to attend public outings when this type of thing happens. From strangers, no less! My sister tells me I give off a ‘Don’t touch me’ vibe pretty well. But something is lost in translation. Somewhere my mom is shaking her head and wondering how her daughter got so warped….and why her other daughter doesn’t like hugs.

DPHS Class of 2000 Reunion (aka Waste of Time)

2010-01-28T15:18:00.002-06:00

So a friend of mine relayed the Class of 2000 reunion drama to me. After 10 years, you would think we would have outgrown our drama but evidently not. I’m not sure what is difficult about planning an event of this small caliber. Set it up, tell people, show up. It’s not mediating a divorce. It’s not solving the healthcare crisis. It’s a freakin’ party people. As I was quickly bored with the mundane questions of “Where should we have? What should we do? How should we delegate the work?” I had to honestly ask “Who cares? Who is going to go?”

This could just be me here, but is a reunion even necessary? Doesn’t Facebook, Myspace, LinkedIn, and all other addictive social networking sites eliminate the need? I mean if you really wanted to connect wouldn’t you have joined one of these sites? If you haven’t I would guess there is no one you feel like connecting with.

Jim didn’t go to his 10 year reunion WAY BACK in 2004, which I thought was sad, until he told me he had to pay $250 to go. That’s stupid. If you are using FACEBOOK to plan the damn thing (which relying on FB to get the word out is lazy and ineffective)…just save time and money and have a virtual reunion.

Ok maybe not that lame, but still. It hardly feels like it has been 10 years. I’m all for reminiscing about the good ol’ days (before bills and careers) but being told where to go, when to go, what to eat and drink by the same group of people who planned my prom is too much like high school. Aren’t we beyond this? And having the reunion at the JW Marriott doesn’t conjure up any feelings of nostalgia. I just get annoyed.

1. I actually forgot we had our prom there.

2. All I can think about is what a pain traffic and parking is.

3. Why pay to hang out with people I ‘talk’ to all the time?

No offense to the planners, but it might benefit more than just the planning committee to do something a bit more noble? Maybe a fundraiser for some kind of charity? Or something that the MAJORITY of the class votes for. Is it too much to conduct a survey? Maybe I am reaching for the stars here, but having a picnic or paying a bar tab while mingling seems like something that can be done on my own. If you want to plan something---go big! Make it memorable! Make it something that people actually WANT to attend.

I feel like those naïve, idealistic seniors who walked across that stage not only disappeared, but certainly learned to settle for mediocrity. So much for changing the world. What do I know? I’ve said for 10 years I would never attend my reunion so I guess my vote is null. In the end, I just hope someone on the planning committee thinks up something more novel than a softball game.

I Know We Will Never Look Back [Everclear]

2010-01-24T20:46:00.001-06:00

Jim took me to see Everclear at the House of Blues as a belated anniversary treat since he had to work on our real anniversary. And by the way, I wish they would just say, doors open at 7:30 pm, bands you don’t care about play at 8:30 pm, Everclear will take the stage at 11:00 pm. That would make my planning so much better.

I ran into Matt, a co-worker of mine which always makes me happy. I love to run into people because even though Houston is huge, I can still have those ‘small world’ moments. I was disappointed by the boring memorabilia and rude girls mistreating the bathroom attendant. The drinks were weak and overpriced but that’s to be expected.

Jim thoughtfully bought balcony seats so the crowd didn’t send me into a panic attack and I could actually see over people. The problem is, not everyone is so thoughtful. You see, our view was actually obstructed (despite no warning of this) by the balcony rails. This group of middle aged, drunk morons insisted on standing against the rail to be closer. I couldn’t see or stand up. Jim asked them to move twice, and the guys left. The women left only after being beckoned by the guys. But they kept coming back!!! It’s painful when things like this happen and you envision how the night will progress if you hurl a bottle at them. Huge temptation but I am trying to NOT get arrested in my lifetime. After being told that we could not move to another seat, security finally removed them from the aisle.

See my view? Imagine 5 people in front of the rail.

After that, the concert was awesome and we love Everclear. Most of the concert I could stand and not block anyone since everyone was on their feet. See now?

I was getting disappointed that they hadn’t played ‘I Will Buy You a New Life’. This is our favorite song for us. (A former friend, once told me this meant we were shallow, hence former.) Which is why I was thrilled Art said, ‘For those of you who think this song is about money, you’re wrong. It’s about love. And loving someone for who they are and willing to do anything for their happiness.” That’s exactly why I love this song. it suits us, minus the borrowing money from me Jim completely transformed my life and who I am as a person. My biggest problem is trying to keep his generosity reined in or he would go broke, work his fingers to the bone, and exhaust himself from trying to bring a smile to my face.

It was the perfect way to close the show and celebrate our anniversary. Thank you dear.

PS I was so happy about the concert, I couldn't even bring myself to complain to the HOB staff for the seating drama.

Reason #484 Why I'm Glad I Had a Boy

2010-01-22T06:30:00.003-06:00

No offense to mothers of girls—but man I am happy I had a boy. Raising a girl is scary.

To save some time: http://lisapalacios.blogspot.com/2009/08/reason-347-im-glad-i-had-boy-or-first.html

The next outrageous child growth issue facing pediatricians is girls wearing heels. Nevermind most girls now look like mini whores wearing inappropriate clothing, but we must now deal with the health repercussions of idiot moms dressing their daughters like princesses, ALL THE TIME. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad we as a society overcame polio related deaths to reach THIS level.

To read more about the health risks: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/01/19/earlyshow/living/beauty/main6115787.shtml

To all you Tiara Coveting Mothers out there. Stop. Just stop.

Playing dress up is fine. Sporting eye liner at 6 is wrong. I don’t get the Libby Lu thing either. It’s a pedophile’s wet dream. Like that visual? Here’s another. Last year, Jim and I saw some perv parked on the bench right in front of Libby Lu in the Woodlands Mall, salivating. Gross.

I think a girl wearing OshKosh B’Gosh is cute. I’m normal. A man who thinks a girl with airbrushed makeup, a mini skirt, and walks like a model is cute, is a PERVERT. All these moms who live vicariously through their daughters are losers. Sometimes I wonder what JonBenet’s mom was thinking. Let the kid be a kid.

Katie Holmes puts her daughter in heels. She’s an idiot with no brain of her own, obviously. Give the girl some Stride Ride and set her loose on the playground. How is she to play with heels on? I am 27 and still hate wearing heels because it involves walking to the bus stop.

If I offended you, I don’t care. All that makeup won’t make your daughter confident or successful in the long run. Instill REAL values, not how to walk in 4” stilettos.

Keep Your Bodily Fluids in Your Body

2010-01-20T20:56:00.002-06:00

Over the weekend, I got caught up on some reality TV shows and discovered a new one, to me at least. Yes, vacation created another vice for me! Celebrity Rehab. I wanted to watch it because I really like Tom Sizemore and it makes me sad he is a meth head and does creepy things. I wasn’t ready to see some Alice in Chains guy (by the way, I had to look most of these people up to see why they are celebrities) throw up everywhere. This guy woke up, vomited on the side of his bed, kinda, and went back to sleep. Who does that? On the show, everyone in the morning is so disgusted by the smell permeating everything down the hall. And the guy is STILL asleep right next to it! They even show it on camera. That was too much for me. I almost threw up just looking at it. By the way, I’m a sympathetic vomiter. If you get sick, I am no help. I will throw up too. VH1 could have at least warned me or blacked the screen out. Gross.

Rethinking this reality tv addiction of mine.

Yesterday on the way home, this woman sits next to me and continue to blow her nose loudly. Wiping, blowing, snorting, coughing,--I feel like I’m in a Nyquil ad. She keeps clearing her throat and hocking I-don’t-want-to-know-what up. I am nauseated. I feel the already small space closing in on me. I can’t control my labored breathing. I guess my facial expression said it all. She sarcastically asked if she was bothering me. Don’t ask questions, you don’t want to hear the answer to. I said, “Actually, yes you are. I’m sorry but it’s making me sick so I apologize now if I vomit.” It was weird that she was suddenly able to control her retching and snorting for most of the ride.

Bodily fluids gross me out. Don’t display them to the general public.

Why Bushi Ban Makes Me Feel Like I Am In Junior High

2010-01-19T21:00:00.002-06:00

When I watch movies about socially awkward teens or a madman killing people because he didn’t make the football team, I don’t get them. I have to turn to Jim and say, ‘Why does everyone hate high school?’ I didn’t mind it at all. It was like supervised day care which was better than the lockdown supervision I got at home. Jim’s claimed that he liked high school too, but he doesn’t count because it seems like he skipped school most of the time. Bad Jim!

So I guess somehow Bushi Ban is making me understand why people hate school and it's triggering some wicked PSTD from junior high. There are some similarities here, most of them from gym class:

Sweating in Groups
Sweating in close quarters with 46 other people and 5 random fighters in the corner does not scream sanitary. I was subjected to using the same elliptical as someone I watched wipe her nose 15 times and then touch the handle. Lovely. By the way, I am not coordinated enough to NOT use the handle. I then had to touch every piece of equipment after her, while her mother criticized her every move. –Wait I should tell you, this chick really is in junior high. But that doesn’t excuse the poor hygiene. Even though my mom swears my germaphobia hit me early, I think junior high perfected it.

Faking Your Period
At least, wanting to now and really doing it then. I think I claimed to be on my period the entire 6 weeks during swimming every year. Funny how that happens. I really want to convince myself I have cramps so I can stay home. PS I don't care if this is TMI, it's my blog.

Juvenile Humor
Ok, I don’t care who you are, when TW was yelling, “I know you men in here love to whack it. So whack it! Whack off! Go crazy!” You would have laughed too. I felt a little immature for being so amused. Then I realized everyone else was holding in laughter as well.

Archetypes
This is true no matter where you go. In the workplace, during a meeting, a seminar, defensive driving, Boot Camp—it doesn’t matter. Bring a group of people together and I will show you the cheerleader, the class clown, the jock, the know-it-all, the snob, the outcast. Seriously, John Hughes knew high school. I know it still exists in the real world.

But let’s be honest, some things have changed.

The Body Is Not What It Used To Be—I watched this little kid jump rope with ease. (Oh I thought this was for adults only, but sadly mistaken.) I remember a time when I could jump rope. Granted, I never did fancy pants tricks, but I jump roped for fun not exercise. I even jump roped for a cause. Jump Rope For Heart!

After This I am Celebrating with Alcohol, not Ice Cream! Ok maybe ice cream too, but the point is, it’s legal for me to buy alcohol. Exercising as a kid got me nothing!

'I Have A Pain in My Chess and I Can't Briefff' George Lopez may have been talking about some old uncle of his, but I start to wonder how much damage my smoking years really did to my lungs. Are you reading this Jim?

Tonight’s workout kicked my @ss—but that’s good. That’s what I paid for and that’s what I expect. Minor things annoy me like the lady who uses the pile of bags, pads, and other equipment as a play den for her annoying children. I swear if that kid walks in front of me while I am jump roping again, he deserves to be hit with it. He is just lucky I am so uncoordinated with the rope. Just you wait!

Still sticking with the fast. It sucks. I can't bring myself to talk about food right now. More later!

Bushi Ban Boot Camp-Day One

2010-01-18T21:00:00.007-06:00

So I went to our Boot Camp Orientation. I knew going into this adventure that organization was not Bushi Ban’s strong point. From my initial inquiry to orientation, this thing was all over the place. No structure, guide, timeline—and I started to worry.

The boot camp is run by Termite Watkins who has good intentions and an apparent passion for exercise, soldiers, and God. Not too much I can complain about there—but it’s obvious his good nature and slight ADD are going to be a problem.

Termite...I'm sorry, I can't even type that without feeling goofy. Let's go with TW. TW was bombarded with questions and complaints especially when he went over the diet. Actually, the fasting. Oh you didn't get the memo we would be fasting. NEITHER DID I! The Daniel Fasting Plan or Daniel's Diet sucks more than South Beach. Well the questions are coming from everywhere…are we counting calories? How many servings? What time do I start eating? What time do I stop? What color vegetables? Do potatoes count as a vegetable? What about corn? What about nuts? What if I love milk? What if I hate milk? I don’t like vegetables, what do I do? Can I still take vitamins? What exactly is a juice? How many times can I eat?

And on…and on..and on…it was excruciating to sit through. I wanted to leap out of my chair and fling myself out of a window just to get away. If I wanted to hear people incessantly talk about food and whine about their preferences, I would have signed up for Weight Watchers.

But actually, I think TW brought this on himself. He should have clearly had the staff communicate the diet upon sign up, provided handout material with the diet, food lists, and FAQs, and a calendar of the work out times and diet plans.

But what do I know? I’m the idiot who paid a man named ‘Termite’ to drag me out of bed at 5:30 am to jog.

Day One-1/18/10

Jogged at 5:30 am. Breathing through your nose is torture when it’s freezing outside. Training at 7:30 pm that same day was not fun. It smelled like feet, there were too many people, and the thought of touching everyone’s germs was overwhelming me. I sympathize with Monk. I now know I only enjoy hitting things when I have gloves on and it doesn’t hurt my knuckles. Memo to self: Buy gloves. The diet sucks and there are just so many sliced cucumbers I can eat before wanting to kill someone. My body needs meat. I’m not a vegan, TW.

End of Day One—Is it over yet?

The Ones Who Say 'Keep Your Change' Need It The Most

2010-01-15T07:06:00.001-06:00

The other night my family all went out to celebrate Anthony's great test scores for one of his benchmark tests. We apparently sat next to decendents of the Ku Klux Klan. Lovely. The kids were asking about slavery and the parents decided this was a perfect time and place to loudly discuss their views on slavery, discrimination, segregration, and every other archaic belief. This caused an abrupt end to our dinner since they insisted on wild hand gestures and screaming to drive the point home. I can't expose my kid that kind of unrestrained idiocy.

After much steaming, I decided NOT to publish the conversation we overheard. Perpetuating that kind of nonsense serves no purpose. Even though it would probably help you understand why I was so angry.

The sad thing is these people were really passing down these kinds of values to their 5 ragamuffin children, and LOUDLY in a public restaurant. I’m not trying to change the world, but don’t bring that mess around my kid.

If you feel a certain way about interracial dating/marriage—Keep it to yourself. My partner, my child, my life in general, really has no bearing on your life. And the truth is it’s becoming less relevant. My son is 8 and there is not a ‘race’ or ‘ethnicity’ printed anywhere on his birth certificate.
If you feel a certain way about a particular group of people—Keep it to yourself. Leave those kinds of discussions for the privacy of your own home, trailer, shack. Don’t yell racial slurs in front of my kid.
If you are in need of attention, don’t try to get mine. Don’t speak louder and glare at me. I would be interested to see how loud you get when you are the minority in the room.

It’s 2010. Get over what your Grandpappy’s grandpappy did way back when, who and what he owned, blah blah blah. Let’s get real. There is never a way to rationally, ethically, and sanely legitimize slavery, segregation or any other form of discrimination.

And let’s be honest, every race, religion, lifestyle, etc has trash. There is always some person or event that makes us cringe in fear of backlash against the larger demographic. Don’t be an embarrassment, the stereotype, the cliché .Don’t be the one that others shake their heads about and say ‘Damn, it had to be one of mine.’

I’m sorry our dinner ended abruptly as it was really meant to celebrate Anthony’s awesome test score. I am glad I bit my tongue (though almost in half) and Anthony was so focused on his ice cream cone he didn’t hear any of it.

Things Not Okay to Do at My Wedding

2010-01-13T20:12:00.002-06:00

I consider myself a pretty laid back person. Ok, not really. I am not the most flexible person, kind of a control freak, and really OCD. But that’s me. If you live your life differently, so be it. I have little to no interest in how chaotic your world might be….except when your chaos disrupts my own world.

Typically, I have a very pre-conceived notion of how events are going to transpire. Back in the good ol’ days, like 2008 before the recession, (Thanks a lot Bush! You jackass!) I planned large scale events for work. With seemingly unrestrained budgets and open bars, crazy things were bound to happen. They did. And though it was unexpected, it generally made for a good laugh and we all moved on.

Here is where I am honest about my expectations of my own wedding. A wedding with a VERY restrained budget and no bar. (Sorry alkies, church rules.) So perhaps my guidelines are not necessary, but since they won’t fit on the invitations, let’s just get them out of the way.

NOTE: Most of these concerns sprung from countless hours spent surfing photographers’ galleries or FB pictures of weddings and horror stories from other brides.

Bare feet on the dance floor. Jim tells me this is inevitable, he might be right. But if you have bare feet around me, expect me to stare and possibly slink away from you. I’m sorry. It freaks me out, I can’t help it.
Old people making out. Enough said.
Children ruining first dances, toasts, climbing on top of tables, etc. I get you have kids. I have a kid. We are planning on renting a moonwalk to occupy your kid. Use it. Also, control your kid. If I have to stop my speech because your kid is trying to climb under my dress—it will get ugly. I once had a girl try to climb under my dress—repeatedly—while the mom smiled at her like she is the next President. It was weird. I felt violated and angry at the same time.
Don’t look at my ass. In fact, don’t look at anyone’s ass because it’s bound to get on camera. I laughed when I saw a giant picture of a groomsman staring at the bride’s ass hung on a wall in a booth. But I am inclined to think that groom was pissed.
Don’t make a scene. If you have beef with someone else at the wedding. Leave that shit at the door. If you have beef with me--why are you there? I’m not opposed to take off my shoe and throw it at you. I have great aim when it counts.
Don’t set yourself on fire. I know, this should be a given. But I have already heard this 3 times. We will not be having lit candles on tables because of this.
No lewd gestures. My Gramma will be there, people! We will be at church. Keep it together.

Um…that’s all I can come up with for now. But I have a whole year. Not trying to be a Debbie Downer—but we need some boundaries here. Feel free to share your wedding horror stories. It’s not gossip. It’s research.

Customer Service...my @ss!

2010-01-12T12:50:00.001-06:00

So after being on vacation for a prolonged period of time, I started watching infomercials. This is a scary situation because people who will remain nameless sometimes order hundreds of dollars of useless things when not supervised. Sorry, Jim. Alcohol may or may not be a mitigating factor. Sorry, again Jim. After resisting the urge to buy the Bullet Express (doesn't that fall in line with my Healthy in 2010 goal?), some kind of craft that helps you make your own T-shirts (hey, that might come in handy!), and other useless but novel items, I saw an infomercial for Bare Escentuals. Whenever I am tempted by these items, I rack my brain to find someone I know who owns such product. In this case---Mercedes.

In my infinite amount of time (wisely spent, right?) I email Mercedes. She agrees to take me to Baybrook Mall to the store. Rock on! Mercedes is a long time user and fan of Bare Escentuals. I am not a heavy makeup user and most days, don't bother. But I am on vacation and bored--so why not? So we made a special trip to the closest Bare Escentuals location at Baybrook Mall in Friendswood, Texas. Mercedes warned me that Sephora had better service but The Bare Escentuals store had a bigger selection. Hmm....ok well let's give it a try. The store had several customers but ample employees. We waited for almost ten minutes to have someone acknowledge us. I know this doesn't sound like a lot, but if you have every been with me shopping, you know it's enough to make me lose my mind. A woman, whose name I don't know because no one wore nametags or introduced themselves (this is a retail pet peeve of mine!) asked if I was ready to purchase anything. Um, no because clearly I have nothing in my hands. Then some other rude lady walked in and got the employee's attention before I could answer. Now, I'm in vacation mode, so my response time to pure aggression is a little slow. The rude lady was knew exactly what she wanted to buy. The employee impatiently asked if I was ready again. Look bitch, I'm guessing you work off commission but don't rush my ass. I am on vacation!

--------Let me explain, I am a makeup retard. I walk up to the counter and just tell them 'I like a natural look. Let's try the colors that don't make me look like a whore. If I like them, I will buy."
I explained to her I didn't know anything about the products and needed more help selecting the products. This chick ROLLED HER EYES and said I would have to make an appointment. An appointment? Really? Lady, you are not a doctor. You sell makeup. The next appointment would be in 30 minutes. The employee said she would make an appointment and be right back. We waited for another 10 minutes while she rang up customers. Granted a little ADD kicked in and I kinda forgot we were waiting. Mercedes had to remind me. But still. I then walked to the sales desk and it was obvious this chick forgot about me. She said to come back at 12:45. This is at 12:05. I was already annoyed at this point, but since we had other shopping to do, I opted to wait for the appointment.

We returned at 12:40 and once again were ignored by the two other employees present. Nice. I don't care if you are with customers. Saying Hi wouldn't kill you. Look, I held all my comments in about this Adam Lambert wannabe dude, but almost lost my shit when Mercedes told me he used to work at the CVS near her house. So we didn't see the first rude chick and had to ask Wannabe Adam for help. This chick was on a personal damn phone call. So Adam goes to get her. This broad looked at me like she had never seen me before and asked what I needed. Um, were you smoking your crack pipe back there? I was here less than an hour ago.

When I explained to her I made a 12:45 appointment she told me 'Well, you are just going to have to wait until someone is not with a customer and can help you.' I asked what the point of making an appointment is if I have to wait? Why couldn't see help me since she was NOT with a customer? She rolled her eyes and mumbled something and walked to the back room.
-------------I paused.-------------------
Mentally considering the ramifications of making a scene. Hmm...I got away with physically restraining an employee last week. But that was Coach, kinda self-defense, and had a lot more people than this little store. Jim's at work and can't bail me out. What to do?

I like that Mercedes and I both just headed for the door without really saying much to each other. While walking to Sephora, Mercedes told me about the last time she was there the chick was a total bitch when she tried to redeem her point card. This made no sense to me. Not only does it prove Mercedes shops there often but the discount isn't coming out of her pocket. Damn!

I worked in retail for much longer than I like to remember. Seriously, I still have a hard time shopping at Michaels and not wanting to scream because no one is following the rules. As a customer, I don't expect to be right all the time, because let me tell you--customers are NOT always right. Sometimes they are damn near crazy. But I still grinned and bared it. Why? Because one day, I would be done with this shit. But for that moment, it paid my bills and bought diapers. This bitch must live at home and have no responsibilites, because she isn't working like she needs the money. So chick, you can thank me for that seething email to Bare Escentuals Corporate asking them to fire your ass. Seriously--power of the pen people, or the keyboard. As many times as people complained about our store, you think I don't know the drill. Even if she doesn't get fired, I sure felt better. And really isn't that all that matters? I felt better and she still has to work in some shitty job she clearly sucks at. And if that was your friend, I don't give a shit.

Sephora--I received excellent help from a gentleman named Xavier. He explained all the products and helped me find the colors I needed. Thank you! He was awesome. Ask for him if you need help there.

But seriously as a customer new to Bare Escentuals products, this treatment is enough to make me swear off the products altogether. Luckily, Xavier made up for this. But if stores are in the SERVICE industry, they might want to make sure the employees are providing a SERVICE. And a service with a SMILE I might add.
And I did tell Bare Escentuals I planned to publicize this experience on my public blog so they were warned. Boycott this particular Bare Escentuals store. There is no reason for anyone I know to spend money at a store that clearly lacks customer service.

Running of The Brides

2010-01-11T19:30:00.003-06:00

This weekend was the 2010 Houston Bridal Extravanganza. With Jim suddenly working on Sunday and my original Saturday plans falling through, why not go to the show? Especially now that we have a better idea of date, colors, style, and theme, it seems like a good idea. (Seriously, people, I am stoked. It’s going to be awesome. Well in my mind it is.) Some people don’t like the crowds, the parking situation, the walking, etc. I am a pro at crowds—don’t you know I am a Black Friday veteran? Dare I say hero? And I am not a newbie at this extravaganza thing as we went last year. Although last year, we came home wide eyed and frightened by all the details that go into a wedding, that shell shock has worn off. So this year’s event should be uneventful…right?

Entry—Prepaid online helps. Since I waited so long, my tickets were held at the will call office. We encountered little resistance and were happy this little station was moved inside. The entry set up has been changed and while they tried to create more stations to go to, deciphering what I need to do was difficult. Apparently the routine is different for those who preregister versus those who bought a ticket at the door. This created more confusion and more anxiety. With anxious brides accompanied by MOBs (mother of the bride) and MOHs (maid/matron of honor) and too many strollers to mention, I thought this system might prove to be fatal. I applaud the changes implemented that pre-print your registration number on the prize entry tickets rather than force you to write all contact information on the tickets. Last year I made labels with contact information to avoid paying for them. This year, they were included in my packet. Wait—I forgot to rage about my pet peeve—who the hell brings a stroller to events like these? As a mom, I feel I can say these things. Strollers at little league games, local festivals, and other ‘family’ events are fine. Strollers at the Texans games, Car Shows, and Bridal shows are inconsiderate and just stupid. Which leads me to the people…..

People—Why bring your baby to this? That is almost as stupid as bringing your baby to Black Friday sales (yes, I have seen baby in tow at 3 am). Get a sitter or don’t go. That was my motto. Don’t inflict us with your germ carrying, crying, obnoxious child. Not to mention it was WAAAAAAAAAY too cold to bring a child outside for this reason. And can I say swine flu? Why would you expose your child to H1N1 in hopes of winning a free back massage? Mommies—leave your kids at home. No one thinks they are as cute as you do. Learn it. Live it.

At events like these I am over overwhelmed with smells. Jim tells me I have a keen sense of smell. I deny this, but whatever. So as I am talking to those manning the booths—I am hugely aware of those who just got back from a smoke break, those who drink too much coffee, those who drink too much period, those who sampled the ill-advised crawfish sampler, the list goes on and on.

Booths—The problem with a set up like this for me at least, is that I am often forced to talk to people I don’t want, and can’t talk to who I really want to. Sometimes I feel bad for the booths with no visitors and smile. But then they mistake this for interest. Ugh….. Trying to get to booths I actually cared about was problematic. Not to mention the booths that I had a prize ticket for despite having no use for the prize. What can I say? I like free. And I am just happy there was a huge decrease in booths about plastic surgery. Last year, the people running up to me saying “want to lose that extra weight before the big day?” almost got me arrested. Like I need anything else to stress about. This year, I was only excited about the Candy Buffet booth and the 'I-can't-remember-the-name-exactly-but-it-had-Palacios-in-it' booth. The candy booth makes happy because it's like being lost in Willy Wonka World without creepy Gene Wilder but every thing they had, I can do better. [Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you.] The Palacios booth quickly pissed me off because clearly I was more excited about the name than they were. Rude and poor customer service. They suck and I hope no one buys a dress there.

Prizes—I can’t even tell you what they were. They were color coded and pre-printed with my ID number. The booths were semi-clearly marked that housed the prize drop off spots. I followed directions and turned in my ticket. If I win something, I will care about it then. My luck, it’s the free session of teeth whitening that terrifies me because I saw a health risk show about them on 20/20 or Dateline, or some other show designed to scare you. Or maybe that's just me. But it works. These shows are also why I don’t like to touch elevator buttons, escalator handles, or anyone’s keyboard or steering wheel. Dirty!

Pricing—The good news is that Jim finally got the message that weddings are EXPENSIVE. I think he thought I was making it up or something. Before the show he would say things like don’t stress over flowers—just hire someone. Don’t worry about planning it—just hire someone. Don’t worry about the invitations—just hire someone. All those ‘someone’s started to calculate in his head when he saw the flyers with all the pricing packages. Now Jim understands when I am contemplating having a 'centerpiece making' party at my house and ask friends/family/hell, even strangers to come. Not to discount anyone who is involved with the process, but we are on a budget here. Since neither Jim nor I will be adopted into a wealthy family, win the lottery, or be willing to take out a loan—this will be a recession themed wedding. What we lack in expenses, we will make up for in character.

There is also I reason we haven't hired people we know. Don't get your feelings hurt. We really have your best interests at heart. Jim's friend is a photographer. I know someone who makes cakes. Someone we know is a florist. It just won't work. Because after the wedding, we still want to be FRIENDS with those people. And we all know money and friends don't mix. So it's really for the best. Unless we aren't paying you...and then we welcome all the free labor preparation we can get!

Summary—Jim was disappointed there was not enough cheesecake or even cake samples this year. However, he got a lot of attention from other women for being a willing participant. They oohed and ahhed over him. He thoroughly enjoyed this attention much more than he will openly admit. We THINK we found a photographer pending some further financial investigation. I stole lots of ideas and thought of plenty of my own—most of which I can do myself. Little did you know working all those years at Michaels was really in preparation for my wedding? I might be overestimating my abilities, but I think at this point, I am organized enough to keep it all together. Famous last words.

January 2011. Stay tuned folks. It should get interesting to say the least.

To My Number One Fan

2010-01-10T07:04:00.002-06:00

My blog began more as a source of amusement for me. I never thought much beyond that. And if people were reading and found some measure of amusement from it, that was okay too. I did it more to prove to Jim that he is the only one tickled pink over hearing about my day, my thoughts...my aggression. Trust me, looking at my comments and mostly lack of, I realize Jim and perhaps my mom, are the only ones reading these blogs. So why not devote an entire one to Jim? And profess how lucky I am to be so loved, so appreciated, and found so fascinating by Jim. And I wonder how he ever found me!

Today is our anniversary. I will ignore the fact that Jim has to work. Grrr....

But I have been thinking of the life and love Jim and I have built in the past two years. When we share stories from our past (before we met), or compare notes as I like to think of it, the coincidences are alarming. It's amusing for us to think about our moms working side by side and becoming friends for years, that he probably had to look after me at some point in our moms' offices, that we were walking the same aisles of the same store around Allison, that we lived a street away from one another, eating in the same restaurants, that we were at the same bar on the same day at the same time. Yes, all these things REALLY happened. And the stars were not yet aligned for us to be together. Jim tells me that it just wasn't our time to be together yet. And he is probably right.

In two short years, we have packed in everything we could to test our bond

I wrote this on January 15, 2009 after our first anniversary. It still stands true.

Why would I get married?

I have gotten this question a lot and I know most people in my life were stunned to hear me even utter the word ‘marriage’ not just make the commitment. But it is not a decision I took lightly by any means. I know I had sworn off marriage citing it was a cult. (Even drilled Cortney when she said she was getting married!) And never in my life would I give into this idea that you NEED to be with someone for the rest of your life. I didn’t NEED anyone right? I thought it was unhealthy, boring, outdated…all these things. But people change…or at least can change if the right circumstances are introduced.

I think back about when Jim and I were first figuring this whole “us” thing out. We both thought we found a friend. And truly did I need one. I was at one of the lowest points in my life and there was no hiding that. But Jim did not hesitate as I grieved the loss of someone so important to me. Although at time I know he had no idea what to do or say, all along the right words or actions just happened. Jim stood beside me while time and God slowly healed my heart, mended my soul, and restored my faith.

Jim did not meet me with any pre-conceived notions, rumors or recommendations. Never does he hold me to the person I was 5 or 10 years ago…or even 2 months ago. He understands I am a constant state of change. He does not simply see me a static person that will have the same views and notions throughout my life. He inspires me to do more, to be more, but at the same time, to appreciate what I have in my life. I find such joy in the smallest moments. I find him as a partner, to be loyal, supportive, and earnest. Jim is everything that I never knew I wanted.

Our relationship is one of mutual respect filled with laughter, hope, and faith. I feel we are constantly evolving to be better individuals and improve upon our relationship. This relationship challenges me, fascinates me, and comforts me. In just the past year together, we have faced stressful situations, some intense, some mundane, some positive, some negative but stressful nonetheless – promotions, ER visits, hospital stays, a hurricane, buying a home, moving, traveling, death of loved ones, family and friends drama, changing jobs, etc. I must say that even at the most stressful time, we never turned on each other…always managed to stay balanced. And even though we won't always agree, won't always see eye to eye.....we can always manage to find some middle ground. I feel comfortable enough to tell him whatever thought comes to my head, without having to worry about how it sounds. I can be honest and not have to sugar coat anything. We are all allowed to have bad days, but those bad days are what make the good ones so valuable. And if this is what sets the stage for a marriage..who wouldn’t want that on a long term basis? Who wouldn’t want to have that person in our corner forever…cheering us on to achieve our goals and carry us along the way when we fail?

I realize now that if I had kept my heart cold and my mind closed, I would have missed such a great opportunity to experience life with such a great person. Rarely am I ever this open and honest about my feelings, but life is teaching me that it is senseless to keep thoughts of love and admiration to yourself. We shouldn’t save the good thoughts of our loved ones for when they pass. It is something that should be shared openly.

So that is my schpill…for now. I know I have changed far from the person most of you knew, but I think that’s ok. And I think that change has made me all the happier.

But don’t be fooled…I’m can still be hardcore if need be!

I can't think of a better way to spend my days, my years and my life but with Jim. I am thankful for yesterday and excited about tomorrow, every day. How blessed I am to plan a wedding, marriage, and a life with such a wonderful man. Happy Anniversary dear. It is convenient you are my biggest fan, because most certainly, I am yours.

Love,
Me

A New Year Blog...but mostly about Lisa's obsession

2010-01-07T16:00:00.010-06:00

Hello…….2010! I’m back!

I saw recently one of my friends on FB (no really…a real friend. I have met him in person and everything.) post that he has now seen 4 decades. Mind you this is the same friend that sat next to me in the first grade and essentially every other class until he decided to ditch us and graduate early his junior year. After reading this, I thought, he is not that old! Because if he is THAT old…that means…gasp (!)…I am THAT old. By the way, I spent most of my first grade life envying him for his perfectly labeled crayons. Seriously. EVERY crayon had his full name written with a Sharpie. I can’t say for sure if that’s the catalyst for my organization obsession. My family swears it began earlier than this. I can say that it is the earliest memory I have of organization envy.

This is a real disease---when I go to the container store, an organization expo (am I the only one who attends these?) or even someone’s house who organizes better than me—I am filled with envy! Wherever I am, once I see an object of my desire that could make my home more organized, more orderly, more pristine…..I am consumed by it. I want to rush home and do the same thing…ok maybe better…to my own home. Here’s the problem. I am also really frugal, some might say cheap. I go to those organization stores to SEE not BUY. I search my brain to discover how to serve the same purpose and not spend a week’s worth of pay on that store bought system. This may be why I signed up to be Clever Container consultant [insert shameless plug here] so I could not only TALK about organization to other people, but get organization things for FREE! What is better than that?

Now that it is January, find myself overwhelmed with organization and home cleaning and space saving articles of all time. Can you believe someone people need a New Year’s Resolution to think about these kinds of things? Go figure. It’s not like losing weight people! Organizing is fun! And really should be a year round celebrated festivity. When January rolls around, the price of the organizing tools usually goes up. I look at the Target or Wal-Mart ad boasting sales and KNOW they were cheaper in October.

The hard thing about my obsession is—I don’t like to spend a lot—but I don’t like it to look like a Flea Market salvage. This kind of look can work for some people’s homes. It’s cute, eclectic, vintage, whatever. If you have been to my house—you know why this won’t work in my house. Even if I did spend the time restoring, refinishing, distressing, etc…I am pretty sure Jim would assume the item was trash and throw it away. See picture.

When we were furniture shopping before we bought the house, a salesman was trying to show me all these very trendy pieces. He used words like imaginative, unexpected contrasts, and delightful surprises. All I heard was ugly. I don’t care how many words you use from your thesaurus. We don’t do eclectic. I explained to the man, we are a very ‘matchy-matchy’ house and want things that match. He told me that ‘matchy-matchy’ is out of style. I almost had a stroke right then. Matching is never out of style. And I don’t take style tips from the same stylists who at one point favored Uggs, bangs, or skinny jeans.

Anyway.
Recap: I finished my MBA. Woo hoo! Between the stress of school , work, Pampered Chef, Clever Containers, Anthony, Jim, home, parties, charity work, family celebrations, and the every day meltdown, I survived. Had a great Christmas, New Year’s. And hopefully have more time to devoted to blogging and getting all that aggression out.
PS I still don’t think I am THAT old.
-----------------> I just realized this blog was meant to be about 2010, new beginning…blah blah blah. Thanks a lot Aaron Manahan. Your crayons sent me into a tizzy.

Suck It Dallas or Reason #117 Why I Missed Houston

2009-09-28T16:09:00.002-05:00

The trip from hell is officially over. I could rant and rave about it in detail, but seriously...I'm too exhausted. So I will provide a summary.

Here is what I discovered:

Two types of people in Dallas—Rude and annoyingly helpful. I don’t need help with my bags, that’s what Jim is doing. And I don’t need to be shoved in an elevator when I am clearly closer to the door. Why do only these two extremes of people exist? I prefer Houston where people mind their OWN freakin’ business.
GPS Sucks—I'm glad we borrowed one and didn't buy one. The fact that it was borrowed was the only reason it is not being run over on 635 as we speak.
Dallas Highways are Pathetic—No one can drive or merge. The signage sucks. The crazy 8 turn arounds piss me off. D-town's mayor needs to take hint from Mayor White who is awesome. SAFECLEAR program works wonders. Look into it.
Our ‘luxury’ hotel sucked—I don't care how sleek, hip, and modern it is...the sink should always be in a separate room from the toilet and shower. If I had actually paid the $279/night I would have thrown a fit and gotten arrested. Thank you PRICELINE!
Mandatory valet is stupid—Why do I need to pay you $18 when Jim can park my car for FREE and faster?! If I can spit and hit my car, you don't need to valet.
Two sinks are crucial—If Jim and I ever have to share a sink again, we will end up divorced before we marry. (Refer to #4)
Out of town families are out of town for a reason—I hate awkward silences ruining my dinner.
Macaroni Grill is overrated—I thought I missed them. Now I’m glad we don’t have them. I think I used to like them because the company was good. (See #7)
Dallas needs to welcome SuperWalmart—Not sure why the 'Neighborhood WalMart' is so popular but if I can't get gas there, it's pointless.
Dallas also needs more restaurants—Waiting over an hour to eat at The Cheesecake Factory is ri-DICK-ulous. It's not even that good.
Dallas Weather (persons) Lie—Take a tip from Houston. If it's going to be hot then freakin' say that. Don't tell me high of 85 and then it reaches 95 freakin' degrees.
If you work on commission, don’t get an attitude with customers—Movado in Allen, TX can kiss my @ss!
Fried Butter is as scary as it sounds—I couldn’t bring myself to eat it. I was afraid I would collapse and someone might A) Kick me or B) Hug me. (See #1)
Dallas Police Are Overpaid—In the wake of a foiled terrorist plot, you would think they would be out in full force. Nope! Nowhere to be seen. Not on the rail, not at the state fair….but we did see a WHOLE lot of them at Dick’s Resort.
DART makes Jim sick—The seats all faced backward. No good for Jim. Poor Jim.
Collin Street Bakery Still Rocks—Don’t get there too early though. They don’t have enough baked yet.

The trip was full of adventures but we made the best of it. We ate fried food, rode rides, and despite the sunburn, I had a great time. At least I know when things suck, Jim and I can still amuse ourselves at the expense of others. Ah…true love.

Seriously, Is John Mayer a VooDoo Doctor?

2009-09-21T16:07:00.000-05:00

Ok is this for real?

I couldn't finish this article without laughing. I'm not a pet person so it might not be my fault that I don't understand.

Why does dating John Mayer ruin your life? He isn't even good looking. That oh-so-sensitive mystique thing is lost on me. I don't want a man who cries when he sings, or cries while writing his blog, hell I don't even want a man who cries. How did Jennifer Aniston fall for it?

Anyway, John Mayer apparently jacked up Jessica Simpson for life. Deep down I wish Nick Lachey would come save her. Who knew he was the only person who could put up with that mess? I bet she is regretting Johnny Knoxville everyday of her life!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/21/jessica.simpson.daisy/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
Is this same lame attempt by Jessica to stay in the news? Next thing I will hear, she will be sleeping in an oxygen chamber like MJ....and we all know how that ended.

I would like.....all of the above.

2009-09-21T14:47:00.003-05:00

Choices. Choices are hard for me. I’m more of a ‘yes, please—one of everything’ type of gal. Not sure why, but I can’t stand the thought that I might miss out on something. Within reason of course, well, my version of reason. I mean, I don’t have issues listing a PREFERENCE, but if I want two of something, why shouldn’t I have it?

I don’t do anything really half-ass. I know this. I throw myself into something; it consumes my day and night. I completely overindulge and then move onto something else. My mom calls this my compulsive personality at work. I think she is just relieved D.A.R.E. worked for me and she never had to deal with explaining gateway drugs and all that.

Moving on, so my newest dilemma is not REALLY my fault. In fact, it’s typical and I should have seen it coming. For the past 6 months I have been honing my little Betty Crocker skills and hocking Pampered Chef goodies. I have acquired almost everything that I want, save for the new items coming next season. I have mastered my maintenance level as a consultant.

Here’s the thing…I kinda like this direct selling thing. I like the discounts, the free stuff, the parties, the people. Now that I can no longer participate in bake sales at work, (I hate you Aramark!) and school will be ending soon (Come on December 13!!) I need something else to focus my restless energy on.

Planning our SHOP ‘TIL YOU DROP PARTY has allowed me to research and network with several new direct sales companies. [Insert shameless plug here: Hope you can join us at my house on November 21 from 1-5 pm to shop vendors like Pampered Chef, Tupperware, Party Lite, Tomboy Tools, Discovery Toys, Premier Designs, Jordan Essentials, and many more!] So I have stumbled across one that suits me perfectly. I couldn’t wait to have them in my home and get my free items. And how quickly hosting jumped to being a consultant. I could still do the PC thing so that’s not a bother.

Jim even brought it up without me ever mentioning it. Although after more thought, he thinks I’m crazy for entertaining the idea of selling something else. But why not? It is selling products that are fun, practical, and necessary. And spending time doing things I do all the time anyway.

So I am trying to decide if I should go ahead and sign up and be the consultant and run my own booth at my house party. I have given myself a week to decide. Once we go on vacation to the State Fair and I can hopefully think a little clearer, I will decide. You know, not the fast paced, jerky, twitchy mode of thinking I normally do. So let the clock begin.

Somewhere I hear the Jeopardy music……..

Eat a Cupcake, Cupcake

2009-09-18T11:07:00.002-05:00

Well I WOULD if I COULD!!!

Here's the thing....an unnamed rep had a unfortunate experience on Monday and catering was delayed. It really wasn't a big deal but she was flustered and embarrassed beyond belief. I, in my typical fashion, was disturbed by such an outpouring of emotion and made myself scarce.

Later, she kept apologizing for something that wasn't really her fault and wasn't really a big deal and wanted to do something nice for us. I again tried to blow her off...it really wasn't a big deal and I didn't want anything in return.

That is...until she mentioned Crave Cupcakes. Oh how I do I explain Crave Cupcakes? It's quite possibly one of the best places on earth. Just walking into this magical place is a euphoric high. It doesn't matter what cupcake flavors they have---they are all good. And finding out the flavors and picking them out is just all part of the suspense and fun. Everything about this place is wondrous. The place is pristine and sterile, but it's still warm and welcoming. The employees are friendly and don't bat an eye when I say 'One of everything, please.' DON"T JUDGE ME! You can watch them make the cupcakes RIGHT THERE, and pick out the one you want, each topped with a cute MIXER seal. Seriously, I love this place so much I sometimes dream of it. I want them to cater my wedding reception--who needs real food anyway?

So naturally between the apologies, excuses, or other chatter Crave Cupcakes stuck out to me. So with much anticipation the next day, my 'Everyone Knows Her Name' office mate and I tolerate a staff meeting knowing, just KNOWING that we will be rewarded with Crave Cupcakes afterwards.

So I waited....and waited...and waited...and..nothing.

YOU LIE!!!

And it was funny to say the first few times. (You are a jackass, Wilson.) But afterwards...I REALLY meant it. She lied! And who lies about Crave Cupcakes? Who is that cruel and mean spirited? It offends my moral code.

So last night, still sad over the absence of Crave Cupcakes in my life, I turn to Jim. 'Can you please send Crave Cupcakes to my work and I will act surprised?' (PS They deliver.) His expression told me no. Boo....Boo on Jim. 'Ok, can you take me there this weekend then?' He agreed. Yea! Yea for Jim!

So now it's Friday. Still no Crave Cupcakes. I wait with baited breath and fiending taste buds for the weekend.

Megan Fox--SHUT YOUR FACE!

2009-09-17T14:27:00.005-05:00

Yeah it's been awhile.....

But don't think it's because I didn't have plenty to say--I'm just busy. I am forced to rant and vent the old fashioned way---calling and bitching about it to Jim. I just wish someone would record all of that and then type it up----PRESTO MANIFESTO! But sadly, my world doesn't work this way so wait with baited breath for my next blog.

My latest gripe--would someone please tell Megan Fox to shut the hell up? No one cares what she says and half of America, ahem, men, aren't even listening---they are LOOKING. The rest of us don't care about her feelings on Michael Bay, or cutting herself on her 'ugly' days, or how she isn't taken seriously. We might start to if you had kept your mouth shut and had all of us guessing about your IQ. Megan Fox talking about how she learned it's wrong to misuse sexuality at a young age, but she is still doing it confirms what an idiot she really is. Her entire excuse for a career is BASED on exploiting her looks. I won't post a picture because I'm tired of seeing her, hearing her, etc. I get why she is famous--she is sculpted by the knife to look like a mini-Angelina but can't she do something about that ridiculous Marilyn Monroe tat?

I don't get why girls, teens, women idolize Marilyn Monroe. Yes she is an icon but she was also a druggie, no talent has been who slept with married men and was mentally unstable. Why is that admirable? But I digress.....

Megan Fox should go back to being a nameless girl for gratuitous sex scenes and dating Brian Austin Greene. I thought that relationship was a match made in B movie heaven. And I only have a small amount of warmth for Brian Austin Greene because of 90210--the original, not that shit on TV now. Aaron Spelling Rest in Piece...you are a Soap Genius!

Britney-- please shave your head again, Kanye-yell at an Olsen Twin, Lil' Kim-let Diana Ross jiggle your other boob...somebody do something to get her off TV and out of magazines.

HPD RUINED MY LIFE

2009-08-27T10:29:00.008-05:00

Ok for those of you who say I don't have feelings..I beg to differ. This article made me run through of whole spectrum of emotions.

Read Article Below:

Law and Order fan cracks real-life case
Associated Press
Aug. 27, 2009,
9:39AM
NEW YORK — Who says television is bad for you?
Justine Faeth's
favorite show is Law & Order Special Victims Unit. The Manhattan office
assistant recently used sleuthing skills she picked up from the show to help
police catch a man accused of a string of robberies.
The suspect walked into
the production company where Faeth works. Police say he stole an employee's
purse, an iPod and a wallet.
Before leaving, he drank water and blew his
nose. Faeth saved the cup and tissue. Investigators used DNA samples from the
items to track down and arrest a suspect.
On Thursday, Faeth appeared on
NBC's "Today" show. Actress Mariska Hargitay, who plays a "Law & Order"
detective, called in to express her "awe." They even discussed the possibility
of Faeth doing a walk-on.

Let's proceed.

Emotion# 1 -- Law and Order Rocks! Yea!
Emotion# 2 -- Mariska Hargitay is awesome!
Emotion# 3 -- What kind of bootleg operation in Manhattan doesn't have better security?
Emotion# 4 -- So sad about Mariska's Mom...tragic.
Emotion# 5 -- Who picks up a used tissue? Gross!
Emotion# 6 -- Damnit! I did this too and I didn't get a freakin walk on!! WTH?
Emotion# 7 -- HPD ruined my life!

Confused? Yeah...most people are. Allow me to explain. Back in the day, my apartment was ransacked and these retards not only stole everything, they trashed the place, tried to light it on fire, and even helped themselves to my food. By trashed I mean, they created a new access point from the living room to the bedroom using a car jack by my best guess. They broke the aquarium leaving water spilling all over the place. They started some bonfire in the corner. They even ate my yogurt!

Because I was gone all weekend, they had plenty of time to hang out. And by hang out, I mean, do all of the above and pee on the walls for amusement despite having 2 bathrooms at their disposal. When I got home there was an old TV (Anthony's TV) sitting near the door that was one of the last items to take and they raced out the backdoor.

So fast forward the 8 hours later I waited on HPD. This was in the post-Katrina glory days where crime was rampant and 2 murders took precedence over my burglary. Cop arrives. I have had plenty of time to go over everything. I tell him three key things.

HUGE hand print on the screen of the TV provides several chances of a finger print analysis, probably 10 point match to a previous guest of Harris County Jail.
DNA on walls from urine
DNA on the spoon placed on the counter after they ate my freaking yogurt!

And what does the HPD officer say? 'Nah, we can't do that. So call this number and give a statement. They will tell you how to send in a report.'

That's it? That's why I waited 8 hours in a now unsafe, unsecure location?

Gee, thanks. But I moved past this incident. Figuratively and literally. I packed up what was not stolen (which was very little!), not ruined, or dirty and promptly moved back to good ol' DP. Eight hours gave me a lot of time to say...'This would have never happened in DP. I would have never been waiting this long. Those guys would have showed up mid-break in. A neighbor would have called. 8 cops and THE FREAKING SWAT team would have showed up!' So the fact that jay-walking is a real offense in DP is no longer a source of embarrassment, it's reassuring.

But back to the point. HPD sucks. And to add insult to injury, I read an article like this? HPD blocked my chance from being on the Law & Order set, meeting the writers and the cast---AND A WALK ON! Bastards!

Keep Your Hands To Yourself!

2009-08-26T14:25:00.007-05:00

Ok...here's the thing...I think I give off a vibe that I don't like to be touched. And to strangers...I feel like it's a very distinct don't F-ING touch me kind of vibe. But not everyone is as observant about body language. Clearly.

So I am waiting in line on the bus today in the humid Houston morning weather and getting chewed on by mosquitos. Typical. So as I am annoyed that the line is moving so slow, I pier around to see what the problem is. Just then I feel a hand/fingers/something touch my neck. Just out of impulse, my arm swings out and I grab the arm, mid-bicep with a firm locked elbow. As a face the person, turning the arm with slight pressure, I suddenly realize everyone around me has taken about 4 giant steps back. I stare at this wide eyed chick who is stuttering something...'There...there...there...was a bug...on you...just trying...to-to-to-to help."

Immediately I am embarrassed and look around at the horrified faces. I profusely apologized. Not really because I am sorry, but more because it is obvious the people around me think I am a nut job. I continue to say, 'I didn't know what you were doing, I just felt someone grab me.' She meekly replies, 'It's ok...but can you please let go of my arm' with a whimper.

Oops...damn. I'm sorry I didn't realize I was still clenching her arm. I give my best sane smile and release. I turn back to the line and hear the whispers and feel the looks burning a hole in the back of my head. But once I get my seat on the bus, she has to pass me and says. 'I was only trying to save your life.' To which I bite my tongue from saying...'No problem...and I was just trying to end yours!' Save my life? From what? Malaria?...go sell your crazy someone else lady, I'm fully stocked.

Obviously no longer embarrassed I am pissed. Who does this chick think she is? Why on earth would you touch a stranger anywhere much less grab her throat? Clearly she left her thinking cap at home, assuming she was ever issued one. And the only thing out of it I could think was, 'damn, too bad I didn't have the stun gun accessible...that would have been a way better story.'

Moral? Keep your f-ing hands off of strangers or in the very least...keep your f-ing hands off me!

Reason #347 I'm Glad I Had a Boy or The First Day of Second Grade

2009-08-25T08:55:00.007-05:00

Ahh…the first day of school. So much excitement in the air. Jim and I walk Anthony into the doors and head for the second grade hall. It brings back so many memories of a time when life was simple and your biggest concern was remembering lunch money.

>>>>>Wait....what the hell is that girl wearing?

My trip down memory lane is interrupted by a sea of Miley Cyrus/GEM wannabes overtaking the halls. These girls can’t be older than 10 and look like baby prostitutes. The short skirts, tight clothes…what exactly do they THINK they are showing off? You are 7, your body shares the same qualities with a Ken doll. These chicks are accessorized to the 9’s. Allow me to paint a picture.

*Note the picture is from a Kohl’s ad. I didn’t go taking pictures of strangers’ kids.

To visulize the girl next to Anthony...imagine this chick with a matching glitter headband, shoes, and scarf (seriously, even though it was 95 degrees out, this diva had on a scarf!). Her shirt in metallic screen print said ‘It’s All About Me!’ and was matched with a black tutu with hot pink leggings. Uh huh….all about you honey? I’m sure that’s what Mommy and Daddy SAY…but so far from reality. She carried a hot pink and zebra print backpack and matching lunch, purse and some other random tote. The kid is 7, what could she possibly need all those bags for?

And she wasn’t alone…there were tons of these miniature divas sauntering down the halls. All I could see was a new generation of mean girls armed with overpriced accessories and too much LipSmackers.

Sigh…my son has no chance. I look around at the boys in the halls. At best they are dressed like my son..in a polo style shirt with jeans. I couldn’t get my son to tuck in his shirt but these moms somehow manage to put fake eyelashes on their girls? I would be impressed if it wasn’t so frightening. All the boys look like boys. Not little adults ready to pose for GQ. You know boys who actually play and run on the playground wearing age and activity appropriate tennis shoes? These girls look fearful to walk quickly so not to mess up their hair or rumple their tutu or whatever they are wearing.

Yes, I know. I was once a girl in the second grade too. But my mom was lucky to get me to wear clothes and take off my cowboy boots. Even the most sophisticated girl in my class (or what I thought) relied upon color coordinating barrettes and two pairs of socks. That was it. This was well beyond my experience.

So walking out of the school I thought, I’m so glad I had a boy and don’t have to deal with these kinds of things. Having a boy is great. And just when I thought I got off easy. Then Jim says, ‘Man, Anthony better get a GOOD job, because if these girls are high maintenance at 7, imagine them older. Anthony is screwed.’

Cameron, I Will Snap Your Twig Body in Half!

2009-08-22T08:47:00.007-05:00

This can't be happening.....I mean I saw Feeling Minnesota. Obviously because Keanu was in it, not because it was a good movie, because it wasn't. There was NO chemistry between these two. ZERO. ZILCH. See the picture? He can't even bring himself to LOOK at her. Plus, she looks like a skank. I mean, if Keanu was out with Sandra (pre-Jesse James, of course. I don't condone extramarital affairs.) I would understand. Did you see Speed? The Lakehouse? These two had chemistry with little screen time together and living years apart. See the picture? Why they didn't get married, I don't know. Jesse James is so not the one for you Sandra. But single Keanu is way better than Keanu on suspicious outings with Cameron F-ing Diaz!

Please read the following article and then we can proceed.

Diaz spotted on date with Reeves
World
Entertainment News Network
Aug. 21, 2009, 1:38PM

Cameron Diaz has been spotted
enjoying a date with Keanu Reeves - a month after she was seen out with
both Leonardo Dicaprio and Jude Law on separate nights.
The
Charlie's Angels beauty, who previously dated Justin Timberlake and Matt Dillon,
split from British model Paul Sculfor earlier this year.
In July, she was seen
enjoying an evening out with her Gangs of New York co-star DiCaprio in London
before heading out with Jude Law to party at the British capital's Boujis nightclub a few
days later.
And now Diaz has been seen dining at a restaurant with the
Matrix star in Los Angeles, before heading to watch a movie together.
During
the date the actress was seen making Reeves laugh by fitting a whole hamburger
into her mouth. The pair then left arm in arm, according to Britain's The Sun
newspaper.
A source tells the publication, "Cameron was stuffing her burger
in her mouth and playing up the fact that she has that wide mouth. Keanu was laughing - it
was strange to see him giggling like that as he's regarded as a bit serious."
The pair appeared together as lovers in 1996 film Feeling Minnesota.

Pick up your jaw. I know. Me too. But it can't be true. Stick girl is so desperate that she resorted to sticking objects in her mouth to woo Keanu? Please, Cameron...he's better than that. And let's face it. We all know you promptly purged in the nearest bathroom. You don't digest food. You aren't fooling anyone. And Keanu was laughing AT you dummy! He and the rest of the world can't figure out exactly what your damage is. Maybe you should hook up with Jennifer Aniston and you both can feel sorry for yourself and stop each other from trying to date former, current, or potential co stars because you can't get your OWN date without the help of an agent. Although, I am surprised Jennifer Aniston's love life or lack there of, in the tabloids hasn't created its own economic stimulus. Have you seen the number of tabloids she is on?

Anyway. I hate you. Keanu is too nice to admit he hates you. Eat a cheeseburger!

Keanu Reeves Taught You Nothing!!

2009-08-21T15:27:00.004-05:00

I know I have not written in awhile. Shut it! I’m busy.

So as I am pulling out of my driveway to head to work this morning, I remember it’s trash day. This realization poses no real consequences because Jim takes care of all that. That’s one of the many promises he made to me when we moved in together. I will never, never, never have to take the trash out again. Yea Jim! Along with never change light bulbs, carry in the groceries, pump gas..and a whole long list of things. I wonder if he realized how long that list was..and that I’d remember EVERYTHING on it?

But in addition to the twice a week collection schedule, Jim is also in charge of the weekly recycle collection. This alternates between paper and plastic/glass/tin. They even give you designated blue trash bags and a calendar with icons to follow for added convenience. Not difficult right? Tell that to my neighbors. (I mean granted, I don't do it...but it SEEMS easy enough.)

So driving down my street I see lots of little blue bags that are for recycling purposes. But it’s Friday, not Wednesday-the designated recycling collection day. And in these see through blue bags I see all my neighbors’ trash. Keep this in mind people. I’m going 10 miles a hour down the street and I know more about you than I want to know. So I know that my neighbors eat crap and that’s why they have morbidly obese children. I know that they lack good taste because they eat at Jack in the Box. Yuk! And I also know that they are going to be responsible for aliens killing us all!

Recycle people! It’s not hard. These people use the recycle bags as random trash bags and I can see the coke cans, and plastic bottles mixed in with your trash. Didn’t you see The Day the Earth Stood Still? Ok, I get that Knowing was a better film, but really what’s the message? Don’t play with creepy mute men that come bearing black rocks? No, I will listen to my not-so-secret teenage crush, Keanu (yes, we are on a first named basis too!) and continue to recycle. This movie only solidified my commitment to recycling. So get with it people and recycle so aliens don’t destroy us. Show them we can change! LOL! Ok maybe this is extremist, but seriously..recycle people....it's not difficult.

And please, please, please, use black trash bags. No one wants to see all your secrets on the curb.

Freecycle is Not a Wishlist for Santa

2009-07-31T12:16:00.006-05:00

As most of you know, I am a believer in recycling, reusing, re-giving. It creates less waste, saves money, and just makes sense. Freecycle is a yahoo group I belong to. On Freecycle, people can offer and ask for various items free of cost or for barter. I have posted ads giving away baskets, moving boxes, clothes, etc. I had posted ad asking for empty baby food jars, scrap fabric, etc. I have answered ads asking for fish supplies, children's toys, and even an used modem. Originally I thought this site proved one man's trash is another man's treasure. Lately, there seems to be a change in the ads asking for items. A copy of each post gets emailed to me. I usually deleted the email because I don't have what the person is looking for. Recently, I have seen posts asking for things that are just astonishing. Whether greedy or just plain weird, they are worth mentioning.

Examples (with my comments, of course):

WANT: Working Full Size Washer and Dryer (Me too buddy, try buying a set at SEARS!)

WANT: Working Blu-Ray DVD Player (Greedy Bastard!)

WANT: Breast Pump, Used or New (Gross)

WANT: All new items for baby girl (I'm sorry I didn't realize you could register for items on Freecycle!)

OFFER: 38DD Used Bras (eck!)

OFFER: Box of Misc. Junk (Yeah, that's appealing.)

TAKEN: 38DD Used Bras (Double eck!)

TAKEN: Expired Coupons (Why?)

FreeCycle is not an excuse to write your wish list to the universe. Surprisingly, some of these absurd requests are fulfilled. Which makes me wonder if they are the crazy ones for asking or am I the crazy one for not? Next request....WANT: New Car with full tank of gas!

The Thrill of the Steal

2009-07-24T10:09:00.010-05:00

I would like to preface this blog with: Even though I swore not to mention work in my blog. I really meant I will not mention anything that could get me fired. Everything else is on the table.

That said, let's begin.

So Anthony went to a birthday party for a one-year-old with a delightful theme. Corinne, the mother had every thing color coordinated to match the monkey theme and coincidentally, the Monkey Themed Bathroom Set I plan to buy for Anthony (not exactly the one pictured, but close enough). This will happen when Kohl's gets over themselves and doesn't charge me $50 for a freakin' shower curtain. So naturally, I loved the theme, and Corinne a little more for paying such close attention to detail. Anyway, so yeah, all things yellow, brown, and green and cute. While those colors don't SEEM to go together...they do. So with the monkey theme came monkey topped cupcakes, bananas, monkey themed party bags, and a monkey themed pinata. After a painful wait in the hot son, a kid finally broke the pinata. You would think more kids would be keen on the idea of taking a bat to something and getting permission to destroy it. Kids these days!

So with monkey pinata comes candy. Lots of candy. Luckily, my kid is not big on candy. He is finally discovering chocolate and seems to tolerate one kind of candy bar. I know...if I didn't give birth to him, I'd be wondering about his DNA. But even though he didn't get my love of chocolate, he is still my picky little monkey. So since we don't have another party planned til Halloween, I figured it would go to waste at our house. So I scooped up the candy and took it to work.

Let me explain my work. When it comes to food, images of vultures should come to mind. Despite what you are thinking, I am not one of those vultures. Even though I love food, I won't reduce myself to having to fight hand over fist over the last of some stale salad. People at work love food. It could be a mayo sandwiched left out in the sun for 3 days and someone would still fight over it. Gross, I know. So obviously this was a good choice to dump my recent candy acquisition off on. The candy could be from Halloween and it would still get eaten.

So I stuff my little clear container full of candy and put it in an obvious place near my desk for all to see. Mind you, no one has reserves about eating food out in the open. It's usually fair game. But no one touched my candy. I went home and came back in the morning to a empty jar. My co-worker who worked til 6 pm that night for a reason I cannot fathom, told me the next morning people were literally sprinting by my desk and swiping candy and running off with it. A few asked it I was still there and breathed a sigh of relief when she told them no. (PS This did satisfy me that my reputation still precedes me, since most of these people, I don't even know.) So I decided all this hoopla wasn't worth it and refilled the jar with a note 'I'm happy to share.'

That was 3 days ago. Maybe only one or two pieces are missing since then. Is it the thrill of stealing something? Maybe once I gave permission to take my candy, my candy jar lost its lure. Whatever the case may be...it confirms my opinion that people suck. When it is not OBVIOUS that the candy is free, they opt to take it anyway. Now that I am publicizing that I am generously sharing, no one touches it. I settled on the thought that perhaps people think it's a joke. Maybe the idea of me being not only generous, but generous with my food is so outrageous, they think it's a trick. That part is funny. But seriously, someone needs to eat this damn candy. If it is still here by Monday, the new sign will read 'Lisa's candy, don't eat or I will kill you.' Ok, maybe not exactly those words because I need my job, but something along those lines.

My Fat Girl Days...Then and Now

2009-07-23T09:41:00.005-05:00

I miss the days when I was called 'Fat Girl' and it was funny. No seriously. It WAS funny. Ask Nikkol. Because I was a teeny tiny little thing who ate an entire bag of Cheetos and a package of Chewy Chocolate Chips Ahoy(!) in one sitting and asked for some more. But Oliver Twist style...'Please sir, I'd like some more.' I was teased endlessly for always being hungry and actually squirreling food away. One teacher** actually required me to surrender my back pack and hoodie when I walked in class. I had a problem with hoarding things. (Shut it! I didn't realize I had a problem then.) This was after several attempts to confiscate all my tools of destruction or entertainment and food. At one point, after all my thin mints, chips, skittles, markers, and Play-Doh, and other miscellaneous toys and food were taken away, other kids in the class actually snuck food in to give to me. At 95 lbs. I must have looked like I needed it for other kids to save their lunch leftovers for me!

**Mr. Franco -- You were awesome! Although most people who take food and toys from me remain on my shit list for life, I can't fault you. I was a constant source of disruption and anarchy and the fact that you still tolerated me proves how great you are. And that you recognized my chaotic genius even then!

Anyway...so ha ha ha...I was called Fat Girl. And it was funny. FOR YEARS. Until it suddenly wasn't funny. And calling me Fat Girl now would probably get you a right hook and a place on my shit list for life...maybe even a Top Ten spot.

Oh what I would give to go back in time to talk to my former skinny Fat Girl self? Would I give her the knowledge that after 25 your metabolism goes to shit? Would I try to explain my wisdom about what Trans fats really do to you? Would I encourage her to begin an exercise program right then so her body is readily open to sweating at the gym?

Hell No! I would tell my former skinny self to flaunt it! And I mean it. All those years of being self-conscious because I had no curves and didn't have the guts to wear a 2 piece around more then 2 people I knew. Wasted! I would tell her to get a string bikini, keep eating those Thin Mints (simultaneously, by the pool so not to waste time), and enjoy the Skinny ride...because it won't last long. Healthy food tastes like shit so eat what you can now! Seriously..look at the box. Do you know why this chick is so happy? Not because she is a Girl Scout. Because the Girl Scouts probably gave her a year's free supply of Thin Mints. And to former Fat Girl Lisa -- that's a lot of Thin Mints. I can't stop smiling at the mere IDEA of it.

Who Teaches HPD Driver's Ed?

2009-07-22T09:44:00.004-05:00

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/6541232.html

I drove by this disaster this morning. Actually, I RODE by this disaster this morning. All I can say is...hilarious! Moving slowly in the HOV lane because another jackhole in front of us is going 40 gave me plenty of time to take in the scene. Nothing like watching 10 cops and cars with lights twirling surrounded by several tow trucks --everyone scratching their head. I was waiting to yell 'Timber' when the sign started to buckle. I would have been upset and worrying about my tax dollars being spent to replace the sign, but look at the sign. This sign still had a sign proudly displaying 'SMARTBEEP'. Remember that place? I got my first beeper from there at 14 for a low price of $3.99 a month. I thought I rocked that purple translucent beeper.

Anyway, the jacked up police car will join the rest of the ones still waiting to be fixed. Except there is no cool chase story. Just another cop being a jerk, speeding past the rest of us...because he can. Except in this instance, he also can't control his speed.

Another reason why riding the bus is useful. Gives me plenty of opportunity to make fun of other drivers while not having to worry about wrecking my car.

The Cafeteria is the 10th Circle of Hell

2009-07-21T12:08:00.005-05:00

So a little over one week of this South Beach Diet behind me. And today is not the day to ask me how it is. I haven't had carbs in 8 1/2 days. Reader Beware!

But Phase 1 of South Beach only lasts 2 weeks I read. To which I immediately thought, does that mean 2 weeks as in 14 days, or 10 business days? Jim told me to stop looking for a loop hole. But hey, a girl has to try right? So now I am already eyeing my new list of permitted foods that I can eat in Phase 2. Super excited about getting to eat fruit again..some fruit anyway. My beloved Olive Garden is still on the No-No list.

Before my birthday, I ate a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Croissant Sandwich almost everyday for breakfast at the tune of $8.53, Dr Pepper included. Seriously. (My arteries are having panic attacks because they fear the day I return to this habit.) But in effort to eat healthier and save money. I started bringing Whole Grain-something-something-healthy-for-you-Cinnamon Raisin Bread with Philly Cream Cheese to work. Makes sense right? This is surely wiser than scarfing down my heart attack in a Styrofoam clam shell every day. Apparently my body doesn't think so. I gained 12 pounds since March and the only thing that changed was my breakfast. So with South Beach, came a change in diet...again, this time with feeling (and research!).

So this morning, I overslept...because this diet jacks with my sleep cycle I swear! Jim sporadically has been making me breakfast to take to work. He didn't this morning. Which is unfortunate because it typically avoids the following from happening:

I go to the cafeteria, you know the same one that makes my beloved croissant sandwich while you wait so you KNOW it's fresh? The same cafeteria with scents of syrup, waffles, muffins, do-nuts, breakfast tacos, kolaches and other No-No things. They make such efforts to make everything with grease or carbs look wonderful. Even the fruit, which I can't eat for 2 week looks luscious.

I ease into line and stare at my feet to avoid the temptation of the racks of chips, cookies, and other goodies that surround me. In addition to reminding myself I need a pedicure, I wonder what kind of hospital serves such unhealthy food? Ok, not exactly fair or true. But that's not the focus today. The omelet man and I are having a cold war because he closes the omelet station a full 30 minutes before breakfast ends. So I am boycotting him...oh yes...he knows.

So once I get close to the serving line, this is literally what I see....Scrambled Egg, Hashbrowns, Southwest Scrambled Eggs, Hashbrown Patties, Boiled Eggs, Biscuits, Home Fries, English Muffins, Toast, Gravy, Sausage Gravy, French Toast, French Toast Strips, Blueberry Pancakes, Bacon, Link Sausage, Sausage Patties, Smoked Sausage, Slabs of Ham, and Turkey Patties. So this means to get my 2 scrambled eggs and Turkey Patty...I must walk from one end and watch the cafeteria lady hold my Styrofoam Clam Shell over all the carb-o-goodness to reach my lonely Turkey Patty. This also means I must wait behind the woman who ordered 2 biscuits with extra sausage gravy (a personal favorite) with 4 slices of bacon, hashbrowns and french toast. I don't know who else she was feeding, so don't ask. As I watch the gravy cover the biscuits, I start to wonder if every person that went crazy at work wasn't suffering from some kind of carbohydrate deficiency. After the last week, I think it's highly possible. I push aside thoughts of snatching the clam shell out of her hands and running off with it. Although I was amused with myself but I was never tempted to order my own share. And be forced to pay $8 bucks again for breakfast? I think not. So I stuck to my 2 eggs with a turkey patty.

So kudos to my will power. My stomach still hates me. Still can't sleep.

After Day One of No Carbs

2009-07-14T14:14:00.005-05:00

Can I just tell you my head is killing me? My vision is all woozy? All I keep thinking is 'damn, it's not like I'm quitting crack. Why is it this hard?' Because quitting carbs is worse than crack I have determined. There are no support groups. No time off from work. No rehab facilities. Except for FAT CAMP....and I....well I am NOT going to FAT CAMP. (Not saying I would NEVER need it just saying I won't go). There are no interventions scheduled to help me turn away from the chip bowl at a party. There is poor Jim who can't figure out when he is supposed to say 'Should you eat that?' Answer is -- NEVER. Or if it gets to this point, say 'Honey, I can't tell you have gained 100 pounds since we met.' Answer is --STILL NEVER.

So I have also figured out that carbs may be the reason I mellowed out after high school. When my body starting holding onto the carb goodness...I got happy. Carbs make people happy. And sleepy, but still. Apparently, you don't need them to live, but it sure makes life enjoyable.

So here's to Day #2. Don't you judge me if you spot me eating chips and salsa at Mamacita's. Life is rough and food is my choice of crack. There are worse things you know.

Although, the one cool thing about this diet is, I can eat all the pickles I want. Rock on!

Father's Day Lesson--Don't Be a Cheap B@stard

2009-06-16T09:11:00.006-05:00

I'm sorry Continental. I didn't realize business was SO bad that you are now running a day care in the midst of maintaining a global aviation schedule. But I'm sure that whole 'flying the skies' is a hobby and not nearly as demanding as supervising a 10 year old. How could you drop the ball on seeing this child to and from her destinations? Why worry about national security when some jackhole expect you to raise his child?

Here is the article explaining the goof. http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/6480156.html

Here is the jackhole's take on the event.

http://blog.kamens.brookline.ma.us/~jik/wordpress/2009/06/14/another-airline-screwup-you-just-will-not-believe-continental-puts-my-unaccompanied-minor-daughter-on-the-wrong-plane/

What's truly mind-boggling to me is if this man is so concerned for his daughter why is she unaccompanied on a flight at 10 years of age? What kind of cheap b@stard won't spring for a ticket to ensure his daughter's safety? Then he rants about what kind of refund he is seeking? Let's be real. This man does not sound like Dad of the Year..more like inattentive, loser father trying to seek the limelight and make a quick buck.

Little Shop of Horrors

2009-06-15T13:50:00.007-05:00

So with the addition of Rex--4 legged frog, Heat Blast--the Red Ear Slider, and 3 legged frog--aptly named, 3 legged frog in our home brings the need for stuff. We need a larger tank, a larger filter, decorations, extra lights to make it more comfortable for the reptiles. Crazy, I know. So we searched for pet shops and went to them one by one before going to Pet City on I-45 and 1960. Since we drove 300 miles all over Houston Saturday, it was on the way. I entered this decrepit store and was immediately knocked over by a rancid smell. Oh yes, it's like entering a pet owner’s home. I have to give this store credit though. It had a wide variety of pets. Not great on supplies so the trip was purposeless, but still. I can say this now with confidence because I had been to PetsMart and Petco earlier in the day. So we saw tarantulas and Madagascar hissing cockroaches, snakes, turtles, oh my! As I am wandering around the reptiles area and looking at Koi fish and pint size turtles, on the floor I see the most horrific sight. A bare foot! Belonging to a woman who must be immune to the smell and haze and I guess BLIND! Who would walk around barefooted in this cesspool? I am so startled I nearly rip Jim’s sleeve at the seam trying to get his attention and point out the disgusting woman. I stutter and spit trying to get the words out… “Eww…look…gross..germs…can’t get away…feet….” Subtle.

Moving on to the dogs and cats. I walk quickly because I am allergic and don’t want to sneeze and possibly be attacked by an animal lover. So I walk past a dog who is clearly too big for his cage. Animal lovers my ass. That is just cruel. Then Jim says “Look that one has a boner.” What? Ok, forgive my ignorance but I wasn’t REALLY exposed to animals growing up. If I was, I ran away. The idea that a dog has a penis is absurd to me. Yes, Jim has explained that they make babies the same way humans do..but that’s stupid. I have never even seen dogs do it. And TV doesn’t count. So needless to say, I have never seen a dog penis. So thanks Jim for calling attention to it. I am horrified. I trip over myself to get away from the massive dog hunched over showing his doggy penis to the world. Jim is terribly amused and continues to point it out to me. I run to the other wall and never want to talk about it again.

The other wall should have been labeled ‘Stay away Lisa’ because it is a wall of cages full of rats. Baby rats. Dwarfs rats. Rats called hamsters and gerbils but we all know they are really rats. I am just trying to walk by to get closer to the exit. The cages holding the rodents just get larger and the number of rodents increases. Then I see the sign…PET RATS. I almost faint. Who makes a rat a pet? At this point I just convinced myself that the rats were kept there to feed the snakes in the other corner. This gave me a small amount of comfort. But pets?

10 steps and counting almost to the door. The bare foot woman blocks the path and casually pets a rabbit. I almost have a seizure. I must have given Jim some crazy look because he senses I am about to have a meltdown. I reach the door. Not an exit. I am so freaked out I can’t even focus. Jim pulls me to the exit. Sunlight! I walk faster and breathe clean (somewhat) Houston air.

I look at Jim, relieved we have escaped. NEVER AGAIN! I tell him. I don’t want to go back there or talk about what transpired. He can’t hear me because he is too busy retelling the moment I saw the dog penis. Not my favorite person at the moment.

Another One Bites The Dust!

2009-06-12T12:09:00.007-05:00

For those of you who don't know, I opposed the Twilight Obsession. I refused to see it. In fact, I hate any movie that comes with any kind of hype. But my sister saw it and said once I watch it, I would get it. Ok I got it. And so began my Twilight Obsession. Not so much with Robert Pattinson (because he always looks homeless)..ok maybe with just Edward but the entire thing. I frantically searched for the books. I bought two books at a thrift store. After a few pages, I had Jim buying me the beautiful boxed set online. Then came the hunt for the movie in the special edition. But wait, I only had the 2 disc special edition...I found out there was a 3 disc deluxe edition. This I had to have. And so I did. And I bought the soundtrack, only to find out there was a 2 disc special edition. This I had to have. And so I did. Jim bought me the director's book and another movie book. I even insisted on having the SweetHearts Twilight series, because they have glitter and sparkle. Ooh, shiny!

So kinda lame and reminiscent of junior high-- shut up. As much as I love Twilight, I also enjoy making fun of it, within reason of course. Even though I periodically suffer the comments from Samantha that I am lame and the movie sucked. Which it didn't and Samantha completely sucks for saying that. But I am pleased to say another Nay-sayer was sucked in the Twilight cult. Welcome Lisa Mills! Told ya so!

PS They need to fast track making the other 2 movies by the way..that whole 'not aging' thing should light a fire under some one's ass.

Getting On My Soapbox

2009-06-11T10:05:00.006-05:00

So I have been wondering what is it with us girls that we can't get along with one another? Why can't we find common ground? Be happy for one another? Have a conversation? Put aside old grudges? Our high school cliques didn't go away, they just grew into office cliques. The grapevine of our teen years only networked to follow us on our career paths. Today I got on the elevator at work and stood beside a professionaly dressed woman with all the poise and grace that seemed effortless. She was on the phone and I overheard her say she wouldn't come to Katie's wedding because the Kristy, who stole her high school boyfriend would be there. And suddenly she looked 13 playing dress up in her Mama's clothes. Look, high school was almost 10 years ago for me (yikes!) so you would think the passing time would teach her that her boyfriend had a hand in that too? And if Kristy hadn't agreed, how long before he found someone else to cheat with. He sounds like a creep. And she was willing to miss this friend's wedding over some high school drama? Yeah, what a friend.

I thought maybe in my OLD age, I'm growing more mature and forgiving people for previous misdeeds. Or I'm more forgetful. Whatever the case is, I'm just too tired to keep up with the drama. Maybe it is the external drama that periodically infringes on my mostly tranquil world that gives me perspective. I ran into someone not too long ago that told me I was evil to them in school. Truth be told, I couldn't even remember them. It was amazing I had the power to make some one's life a living hell, but damn, shouldn't I remember that? But since I didn't, and the story was plausible, I apologized. I'm not the same person I was a year ago, much less 10-15. So you shouldn't be either. People should change, evolve, morph into a better version of themselves. But this takes opportunites, experiences, adventures. Change comes when you find yourself in new situations, meeting new peple, gaining knowledge, having your opinions challenged, your values and ideals tested, in short, you have to get out in the real world.

Because if you stay within the confines of your small, safe little world (mine for example is Deer Park) and inside the safe confines of your 20 year old mind, with all the like-minded people, you won't see the world in another's eyes. Your view won't be altered. You will be that same person, holding the same grudges while the rest of us roll our eyes and deal with our current, more relevant stressors. And in some cases, be that idiotic person who thinks of nothing better to do that to intrude on my tranquil life.

I know I still live remotely close to good ol' DP. But I also know I left..didn't travel TOO far away. But I was exposed to things outside my comfort zone, to people outside my confort zone, and had something else to compare my safe little world to. Believe me, after walking in on 2 guys ransacking my apartment, and having it cleaned out celing to floor, and waiting for HPD to arrive 8 hours later---nothing makes you love DP more. But I am Lisa, product of DP, 27 years later. Not Lisa, 27 years, not changed since 1996.

Suck It Metro Or Reason # 479 Why I Hate Riding The Bus

2009-06-09T08:43:00.004-05:00

At 5:17 pm because I missed the 5:04 pm bus....I went back to hating Metro. No more shiny bus, no more clean seats, no more magical STOP REQUESTED button. Back to grimy broken seats that wobble, ready to break out the track the row fits into. Back to lukewarm air blowing from the vents at the front of the bus. Back to every pot hole and bump almost rocketing you out of your seat. Back to wanting to bathe in Purell once you get off the bus. Damn, I knew it wouldn't last long.

I {Heart} Metro

2009-06-08T10:07:00.004-05:00

At least for the hour ride to work today. I was so excited I must obsess over it. We got a new bus! Well, not exactly new, but new to me. It even had a manufactured 'new car' smell which was enough for me. It was shiny and felt clean. The seats were a bit wider to accommodate my rear and the upholstery showed no signs of snags, rips, stains, or other normal and not so normal signs of wear and tear. And it was pretty! The air conditioning was on and it really worked. Cold air blasted on my face because I, had two of my very own vents. Not to mention 2 lights with fresh bulbs that actually worked. This is not as crucial in the morning, but during the winter on the rides home, it's too dark to read from the window light and my bulbs are ALWAYS broken. So you can't blame me for testing them. But the best feature was the STOP REQUESTED button. Yes, button. See my usual bus has a cable running from the beginning of the bus to the back minus a few windows. Typically I am stuck in the row without the cable or my tug of the cable doesn't work. This sends me into a frenzy. I am scared the bus driver (yes, new bus but same jackhole driver that showed up at 7:32 am) will not stop the bus despite my cries.. 'This is my stop! Please..let me off!' This is not a symptom of my paranoia...this has actually happened. I was forced to walk back an extra 5 blocks. Jerk.

So three cheers for Metro for sending me a brand spankin' new-ish (sure did steal this from the BMW ad) bus. Check back with me later because I am sure I will be hating Metro soon enough. More like 5:04 pm when they send the archaic, caterpillar bus with no air-conditioning.

And by the way...I was not the only person over the moon about the bus. Just the one who blogged about it. My bus riding compadres were equally thrilled. So there! That is all.

Reason #452 Why I Hate Riding The Bus

2009-06-04T10:50:00.007-05:00

So Jim pointed out that I haven't blogged in over 2 weeks. Offended, I immediately checked the date of my last post - May 19. Damn, he's right. I hate when he is right. At least I had enough reserve to not argue with him. That's at least one good point about me. I will only leap into an argument when I am pretty sure I am right or know the information. If you try to argue with me about the inner workings of cold fusion--won't happen. I have enough self control to stay silent over risk of being proven wrong. But in this moment, it didn't seem like it had been THAT long since my last post. Time is flying. What's going on? I feel like we just entered May. The last two weeks are a blur--where did it all go? What did I spend my time doing? Oh yes..then it hit me. FarmTown. I am pretty sure I discovered FarmTown on May 20. I can't talk about FarmTown right now. I am mentally exhausted from plowing. No seriously. That's a blog for another day.

Side Note: I hope you are not keeping track of my 'blogs for another day' because I am not. And more than likely I won't remember to blog when 'another day' comes.

So the other day I was in search of new cell phone provider because:
1. Verizon rapes me on my bill.
2. I want a new phone with sign up
3. I am too cheap to pay for a new phone
4. I want a phone that allows me to play FarmTown while riding the bus.
But let’s be real—it’s mostly #4. (You can take your intervention and shove it!)

But after the ride to work the other day, I thought it best to keep an eye on my bus driver because I think he is trying to wipe out the South Point Park and Ride Patrons one by one.
Back Story:

This jackhole is supposed to leave the station at 7:35 am. I get there as early as 7:24—I know, it’s super early for me. He is always there by this time but he chills in his air conditioned bus right by Fuddruckers reading the paper, drinking his coffee, checking his receding hairline, visiting his waitress girlfriend – who knows? The point is this a-hole waits until 7:32 to pull up. By this time there is a line of 40 people waiting to board the bus and 3 dozen or so more in their air conditioned cars waiting for the bus to pull up. While people shift weight back and forth waiting to pay the toll and find a seat, this jerk plays with the brake and tells people to hurry up. Yes, because all people board a bus FASTER when you are pumping the brakes. If he would just pull up when he gets there the bus would be loaded and ready to go. Witnessing the number of people that don’t fit on the bus, my guess is we could probably reach maximum capacity and leave BEFORE 7:35 am. On some days, people are literally sprinting toward the bus and he takes off even if you are 2 strides away from the door. Most bus drivers, if in view of a conscious effort to hurry to the bus, will stop. Not this guy.

END BACK STORY:

On this particular day, the guy shuts the doors mid-stream and pulls away from the station leaving half a line of humidified, confused or pissed off people. Nice. Fast forward through a bumpy but enjoyable ride because I didn’t have to sit next to anyone. Ok, one perk of the bus driver pulling away before we were done loading.

So comes my stop. We are left off on Holcombe and must cross the turn only lane that goes to MacGregor before reaching the corner of Holcombe and MacGregor. Generally most bus drivers protect the lane and let you cross the right turn only part. I’m not sure if this particular driver did not get enough hugs as a child but he drops us off, after closing the doors on the last person’s foot, and he speeds to cut us off before we cross. This leaves us waiting for at least 3 light cycles of cars turning before we scurry across the lane. So one lady leaving the bus yells ‘Can you wait until we cross THIS time so we don’t almost get hit by a car?’ Mind you, I am not this brave—I try NOT to piss off people I place my life with everyday. I scurry off the bus and briskly walk to cross the lane and then slow down to set a path for the rest of us. The line follows like little ducklings, one behind another. But I am guessing he took this as a request to be struck by a bus instead of a car because he pulls into the lane anyway. I don’t see this because my back is to the bus. My co-worker Susan yells ‘Hurry Lisa’ and I don’t question. I jog across as does Susan. Except Susan drops her pager and just out of reflex, bends over to pick it up. If you knew how much our employer would have docked her pay, you would have bent over too. Driver does not decrease speed, does not brake—but he does honk. Susan freezes and a man behind her shoves her out of the way. A-hole driver slams on the brakes and stops within a few inches.

Now this doesn’t go all slow motion for me, in fact I didn’t feel the urge to run to Susan and shove her out of the way. I mean thanks Susan for the warning and all, but now is not a good time for me to be temporarily disabled. In fact, the only thing I think is ‘What a dick’ and continue trying to cross the next intersection.

Except I have a mind to call METRO and complain. After being left on hold for 7 min and asked to fill out an online survey, I give up. Next time I will just pay more attention to the driver while entering and exiting the bus.

CGI Works Wonders

2009-05-19T14:50:00.006-05:00

Not sure why...but I only find Robert Pattinson attractive in Twilight photos. When I see pictures of him from publicity photos or tabloids, I find him repulsive. Ok maybe not that far. But I would definitely give him the spare change in my pocket if I saw him on the street. He often looks like he needs it more than me. So that said..I told Jim he looks much better than Robert Pattinson on a regular basis. Showering does wonders for your look by the way. Now when he goes into Edward Cullen mode..that's a toss up. But at least Jim recognized my celebrity crush is based on CGI techniques and airbrushing. Although, my BFF Christian Slater needs no CGI!

The Sacrifices I Make

2009-05-18T15:13:00.004-05:00

Each morning begins predictably annoying. I ignore the alarm clock, sleep through the alarm on my phone, tune out the television, cover my head with a pillow to drown out the sounds of Jim taking a shower and pull the blanket over my head to shield my delicate eyes from the bright lights. Eventually after being poked and prodded I slink out of bed by 6:47 am. Jim is usually greeted by one of two moods, Me-pouting like a freshly punished child left to sulk in the shower mood, or Me-with the over the top, irritated, looking to stab someone with the shiv I made out of my toothbrush, don’t tempt me! mood. Either way, Jim endures it until he heads off for work. Conveniently this occurs soon after I finally get out of bed.

….ah, it’s Monday. A particularly extra unpleasant start to a day. Four more days of this. Funny thing is, this past Saturday, like most weekends, I woke up at 5:30 am, promptly woke Jim up and began fanatically cleaning the house. This is our unfair and unforgiving routine. Jim either helps or does boy things in the garage on yard to stay out of my line of fire. Usually this goes on for 2-3 hours until I am exhausted or Jim steps in right before I decide to rearrange the living room furniture. I can’t seem to get an extra minute of sleep on the weekends but can’t get my ass out of bed on the weekdays. It goes to show that I can’t tolerate being expected to be somewhere on time for anyone or anything. I like to make and adhere to my own schedule. (Although I must admit, Jim has almost broken me of being late everywhere now. This only works when he is with me though.)

Where was this going? Oh yeah. The bus. I hate riding the bus. So last Friday…an end to a spectacularly dreadful week, I depart my office and half-hearted job to the bus stop…this counts as exercise right? I see my bus pass by me to the stop and then break into a sprint. At least I am logical enough to change my shoes before this trek each day. The bus driver sighs in defeat as it is obvious he is going to have to let me in. The day the driver does NOT stop the bus and open the door is the day I break my hand for going all Keanu Reeves in Speed and beating on the glass..’STOP THE BUS!’ So riding the bus is always an adventure as I glimpse into a world of stupidity that continues to shock me. Because of the recent heat, humidity and overall miserable days at the stop (which explains my initial sunburn and now farmer’s tan), everyone shoves to get a seat on the bus. Yes in this instance, the coveted prize is a seat on the bus and not 6” to plant your feet and stand for the duration of the ride. So it makes sense that I too shove my way onto the bus if necessary to avoid grasping at the too tall poles above my head for balance. METRO sucks. So I have the typical armor that sends the message ‘DO NOT SPEAK TO ME’. I have my book in hand, sunglasses on, and headphones in my ears. I always dread the person who decides to sit next to me. On a few occasions, I have VERY proud grandmothers sit next to me and tell me all about little Johnny potty training. Look, by the end of the day, you would be too tired to fake enthusiasm for this too. I scowl and roll my eyes until they stop talking. But Friday, I am blessed to sit next to a petite woman with an apparent heart of gold. She should have kept on walking. She is struck by humanity and attempts to flag down a total stranger to sit with her on the seat. A little slow to notice, I realize she is gesturing me to scoot over against the window and make more room for the other woman to sit. Lady this is a two seat row. I love the fact that she thinks my ass is going to magically compress but I’m not flattered, I’m annoyed. She continues to smile at me and gestures her hands while saying “Scootch over.” I painfully resist the temptation of giving her my own hand gesture and say “Scootch This!” I lose interest in gesturing back and forth with this idiotic woman. I tell her 2 seats—2 people and go back to my book. The waving and scotching goes on for close to 5 minutes literally. Finally she gives up and offers her armrest for the woman in too-short shorts to sit upon.

Could this be the origin of yet another flu? I can hardly stand it as I glare at the woman I am certain will be responsible for my untimely death. Go ahead sit on the armrest, spreading your fecal matter to the next person who rests, of all things, their arm on it! Ok this part Jim thinks is an exaggeration. But I think you can’t be too careful when dealing with nasty germs. I still go into fits when I think about the lice, germs, fleas and who knows what else I am being exposed to everyday for the sake of humanity.

Oh how so you ask? Because I ride the bus to preserve Mother Earth. You should try it. Ok in truth this was my initial reasoning, then I became addicted to having someone, albeit a more than likely drunk METRO employee drive me around. I went over the statistics and considered that I am lowering my probability of getting a speeding ticket or being involved in an accident, and saving on gas. All good things. You should try it. But for now just know I am doing my part in making every day Earth Day and saving your life! Ha! I almost convinced myself.

Can This Be Real?

2009-05-13T14:53:00.002-05:00

http://www.borders.com/online/store/TitleDetail?sku=1594743347

If so, I am writing a book about my sock collection because apparently anything goes!

What Was I Thinking?

2009-05-12T15:41:00.021-05:00

In an effort to cure boredom, be nosy, and make fun of people, I started looking up celebrity mugshots. At first I looked at the more obvious idiots like R. Kelly and Lindsey Lohan, but soon I began searching for my childhood/teen (ok, maybe even present day) celebrity crushes.

The good news is this list does not represent ALL of my celebrity crushes--so I did pick some that haven't been arrested..yet. The bad news is, well, wow...what was I thinking? Either that or the makeup artists on set are way too talented. I am assuming these crushes developed before the deception of airbrushing was introduced.

Exhibit A: Christian Slater, perhaps my first and ongoing, celebrity crush. Upon first glance, I excused the jacket because I formed a near-rational explanation for this attire. Clearly Christian (yes, Christian and I are on a first name basis) was wrongly targeted by law enforcement and arrested while on the set of Kuffs. Despite how great that sounds--not true. See second photo of Christian Slater. Although Christian Slater and I are BFFs and on a first name basis, his full name sounds better.

Exhibit B: Ah...Keanu and I go way back. He is probably responsible for my overuse of the word 'Dude', him or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Either way, Bill and Ted began the crush...Point Break, Dracula, hell, I even watched Little Buddha for this man! Speed and so on. My friend Lisa (yes, another Lisa) can vouch for this obsession as I argued with her endlessly that Keanu was much more attractive than Brad Pitt-circa Legends of the Fall. I even defended him against gay rumors, oh yes, even at the age of 12 I knew this could not be true! I must admit as I grew older I was much more fond of the clean cut version of Keanu versus the pictured deadhead burnout look. Geez, Keanu, run a brush through that mop!

Exhibit C: Keifer Sutherland. Short lived crush but still noteworthy. Peaked my interest as Ace and that's about it. Although he plays a pretty convincing psycho, and photographs like one too, the only attribute he has left is his voice. If you don't agree, watch the PhoneBooth. Don't get distracted by pretty Colin Farrell and listen to the voice on the phone. Hope that whole '24' thing is working for him.

Exhibit D: Marshall Mathers. If you knew the time we devoted to driving around and singing to your psychotic, misogynistic lyrics with such glee. And by we, I mean Khristina and Cortney and other random people in the car. As if I was going to only out myself on that guilty pleasure. Seriously, I wanted to be Track 13 girl. The whole white boy in the hood thing was too amusing for any of us girls to take you seriously. And you never disappointed me in your ongoing, ever occurring tantrums and feuds. Who else could fight with a puppet on pre-recorded television? You never once realized what an asshat you looked like and stopped. Bonus points for committing to your irrational rage. I do find it a bit sad that you look better in your mugshot than most pictures taken of you out and about. But at least you have the good sense to dress appropriately for court, not in some captain kangaroo getup (MJ?).

Exhibit E: Robert Downey, Jr. --I saved you for last because there is just too much to comment on at once. Perhaps during the first arrest, poor Robert was so messed up on drug he thought he was a movie premier or some other publicity venue. Either way, the man is or was jacked up. Who else tells a judge they like the taste of a loaded gun in their mouth. Boo! I get it was a metaphor, just not on my list of things to say to someone who is about to sentence me to prison. Either way, my crush on Robert is not dampened by his 3, count 'em 3, mugshots. Although the middle one is borderline scary. Good thing the man can act. Otherwise he might be trying to wipe my windshield with a urine soaked rag when I venture into downtown Houston.

Well kids--that was fun. Hope I never see Dexter or the Pie Maker behind bars. It would kinda make me start questioning my taste.

Reason #612 Why We Should Sterilize Some People

2009-05-12T12:03:00.003-05:00

Seriously? After reading the article below after my normal expletives and ugly facial expressions, I had to ask, 'How did no one else notice this?' Assuming they had no friends because who would want to hang out with a bunch a lowlife losers like these two, shift focus to the family. Did no family members notice the filth and disgust? No neighbors? No mailman? Her OB/GYN? No one at social services/welfare (whatever that place is called) think to follow up with this chick and say--'Here's a rubber, do us all a favor and just stop.' I think what freaked me out the most was that she is nearly my age. At first I thought, man I must be a real worthless mom because sometimes I want to pull my hair out and I only have one kid. And then I realized, no, I am a kick ass mom because sometimes I want to pull my hair out and I only have ONE KID. See how I wasn't trying to get into the Guinness Book for being a jackhole with too many kids and not enough ways to support them? (Are you out there OctoMom?)

When my kid complains to me as usual and whines--'Why are we always cleaning?' I am going to read this article to him. Ok, maybe not, but it would be cool if I could and the point was taken. But trust me, my kid came out of the womb with OCD and obsession with cleanliness. Too bad its starting to wear off. But that a post for another day.

Mom of 9 gets 10 years in abuse case
By BETSY BLANEYASSOCIATED
PRESS
May 8, 2009, 8:47PM
LUBBOCK — A mother of nine who was charged after
a dead fetus was found in the refrigerator of her filthy home was sentenced to
10 years in prison Friday for injuring and endangering her children.
Gloria
Ramirez, who is eight months pregnant, looked down as the sentence was read. A
short time later she sobbed as court officials fingerprinted her before taking
her to the Lubbock County Jail.
Jurors took less than two hours to sentence
the 28-year-old mother to 10 years on a child injury conviction and two years
for each of six endangerment charges. Each sentence, the maximum allowable, will
be served concurrently.
Police came to the couple’s home in 2007 after her
common-law husband called a funeral home about a casket for a stillborn infant.
The fetus had been placed in a baby wipe box and in a
refrigerator.
Prosecutor Jennifer Bassett said she believed jurors delivered
a “completely appropriate” sentence.
“Clearly, the jury finds a mother’s role
with her children is important and, obviously a role that should be taken
seriously,” she said.
Defense attorney Ted Hogan said in an e-mail that he
was disappointed by the sentence.
“This has been a tragic case from its
inception,” Hogan said. “It is our sincere hope that we as a community can
refocus our attention on the conditions that led us to this point, and in doing
so, avoid similar tragedies in the future.”
After the miscarriage Ramirez
blamed her children, telling them they weren’t letting her sleep, according to
testimony. She also threatened their lives if they told anyone about the
conditions inside the home, one of her children testified.
The day the seven
children were removed, investigators found dirty diapers stacked nearly 4 feet
high in closets throughout the house, decaying food around the home, trash bins
overflowed, and bare and soiled mattresses where most of the children
slept.
Jurors convicted her after 32 minutes of deliberation
Thursday.
Anthony Moya, Ramirez’s husband, was arrested on seven child
endangerment charges the day the children were removed. His trial was set to
begin later this month.

Organizational Bliss

2009-05-09T11:26:00.013-05:00

So what felt like an impossible task was eventually finished. It took a lot of patience on Jim's part. And it took reality on mine to realize blind lazy susans do not appear overnight. Staying home with Anthony one day helped me get caught up on a lot of housework too! But here are some photos of my organization and hoarding methods on a regular basis. It can give you an idea of insanity and constant quest for order. Mind you I haven't been the store in months to buy most things so there are some holes in my stock. If you have been to my house this is no shock..you may even notice I AM low on supplies. I didn't take pictures of everything so be relieved.

Under the kitchen sink. Don't say anything I have more stuff under the bathroom sinks!

New Additions!

The infamous closet--yeah again..I purged too much but I have more party supplies and entertainingware to put here.

Jim made an iron rack for me. Now all I need is an ironing board I will never use! And he installed the rack to hang all the mops and brooms before another fell on the floor and a assaulted someone with it.

The newly organized drawers--two of them anyway. After I organized them. I realized I don't have much in them after all!

Pictures don't do it justice (mainly because I can't figure out the photo alignment on here) and because I love to walk around open a cabinet or a drawer and smile because I am fully prepared and well organized.

Don't judge me! Come next hurricane you'll be at my house!

The Stupid Life

2009-05-06T12:00:00.005-05:00

We have all had those moments when we feel robbed, slighted, wronged—just born into the wrong family. We get a case of the green envy and worry too much about what Joe Jones across the street is driving, wearing, doing, etc. I would like to think the older I get, the less I have these moments. But when I think about celebs and wannabe celebs- I wonder how they got so lucky? What special talents or skills do they possess to climb to their spot in Hollywood? More than likely, it's more about who they slept with or who their daddy is. I hate when the media tries to convince me celebs are normal people. Reality TV has further blurred this line. These are not normal people. These are the most outrageous people Mark Burnett could find. This warps our since of normal people and everyday experiences. The US Weekly’s ‘Stars are Just Like Us’ make me roll my eyes and laugh at celebrities and their stupidity. They are not like us, the rules are different. We know it and they know it.

Not that I consider Paris Hilton a celebrity because we all know she is a talentless hag and a shameless self promoter. But I had to share this regarding an ongoing lawsuit again Paris Hilton—

She [Paris] also acknowledges she'd never seen her
own cell phone bills until attorneys showed her one in an attempt to figure out
who she was calling.
Asked who gets her bills, she replied, "I don't know.
I'm assuming, like, whoever pays my bills. I never ask about that
stuff."

Really? Really? Who is that stupid or out of touch with reality? She does not even merit the fame and attention she receives yet someone, like, pay her bills or something. How do you not know these things? Granted my expectations should be lower, wait, non-existent for an idiot like this, but you would think, she might not try to display her idiocy for all to witness. But then again, that would involve THOUGHT which I’m sure is a foreign concept to Ms. Hilton.

Moments like these cure me of my green envy because it puts it all in perspective for me. I would rather be living under a bridge somewhere than spend one day using the mind or void rather, that Paris possesses. How can someone like this even function through day to day life? Are her clothes labeled—‘Arm through here’ or does someone dress her? I would imagine this is worse than raising triplets. I wonder is if she is aware of her shortcomings? Would it matter if she was? Does her family know the truth? Do they hide it from her? Sometimes I think if I showed signs of early stupidity my mom would have smothered me to save me from a life filled with inadequacies and failures. But then again, she scolds me for being an elitist too. Deep down, I think she is happy with the way things turned out.

I won’t get off on my rant that Paris is a classic symptom of society’s inability to adequately identify and honor heroes. But seriously, if some jacked up version of Christmas Ghost Future asked me to trade my mind for $2 million, I hope I have the presence of mind to say no. My mom always used to say…” Money doesn’t buy class.” And it can’t buy brains either.

Read the entire article here: http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/hotstories/6410244.html

Let the hysteria begins…but in an organized fashion...

2009-05-05T14:56:00.005-05:00

I am out of school for a week until my next class starts. Usually when I come up for air on these breaks, I start to realize things that my eyes have glossed over to spare my sanity. After the dust settled from the garage sale (I will blog about that another day—I’m still coping) I was overjoyed to have all these things out of my house. How did we accumulate so much stuff—we just moved in! Okay six months ago..but still.

Suddenly I realized that I have a junk drawer in the kitchen-I can't even remember what's in the drawer, the batteries roll around freely in the office drawer-they are not even arranged by size, the lint brush stowed away under my sink belongs in the utility room-yes it’s more convenient but still offends my sense of organization, my scarves and beanies are kept in my nightstand-not with my umbrellas-but wait my Coach umbrellas resides with my Coach bags-is this ok?, the closet under the stairs is wasted, valuable storage space—think of all the things I could store there leaving room in other places to reorganize that…….and this is how my mind quickly wraps itself into an anxiety attack.

Only since living with Jim, am I slightly aware of the depth of my craziness. Only lately do I think to myself—wow, what’s wrong with me? Montessori Schools really make kids weird. Do other Montessori Veterans envy someone’s organizational methods? Do they get excited in Office Depot at the limitless possibilities? Did they too save up money to buy Sharpies and storage bins? Am I the only kid whose best gifts were my Alf doll and a label maker? But I digress…..

I pondered all kinds of ways to re-organize my home. But a trip to Wal-mart and Home Depot and online at the Container Store had me rethinking my method. I am still not in a place in my life that I can invest all this money on gadgets and bins specifically designed for this purpose. Ok…I can make do with some skid row organizing tools. I am used to this.

So in between buying and selling things on Craigslist and planning a Pampered Chef Party in 2 nights, and the stress of wondering if I won the Overall Exemplary Employee Award at work—I am frantically arranging and rearranging things in my head. Which by the way, I have discovered that doing this is futile since I have no real sense of accurately measuring by memory!

We got in later than usual and my schedule was thrown off track. And in my house it’s all about structure and routine. Without it, I am afraid the house would fall to the ground.

**SIDE NOTE: For those of you thinking I need to adapt to change, be flexible, go with the flow, and all that other peace love BS—can’t you tell I can’t? Being carefree is REALLY REALLY hard!
I absolve to at least get the closet under the stairs done. I didn’t realize Jim went through this looking for video games to sell at the garage sale and left it untouched. Now to the normal person it wouldn’t matter. But I’m insane. I know this. I am panic stricken looking at this small space filled with so much stuff, my head is pounding, my stomach hurts—I can’t breathe. So I just collapse and try to figure out where to start. It doesn’t help that the ceiling has a 3’ clearance and poor lighting. Jim finds me on the brink of an all out panic attack and sends me to bed.

I wish this was the end of it—but this blog really just serves as a warning or explanation of my bizarre behavior. I can’t function under normal pretenses when I am fixated on things like this. So the adventure awaits—poor Jim who wants to help but hasn’t yet learned to read my mind when I say I want it to be perfect and organized. Labeled and beautiful.But now that Jim has been educated on slider drawers, tilt out drawers, blind lazy susans, and hidden cabinetry…maybe he will find a contractor who speaks Lisa and can get the large projects out of the way.

What Is It With You Pet People?

2009-04-28T11:35:00.008-05:00

I will be the first one to admit, I can’t even begin to fathom the point of a pet. Somewhere along the way, I never developed that gene. No reason why. No tragic accident with a wild pit bull, no feeling like I lost a best friend when a pet died. I just never felt bonded with animals. Just didn't. If you call me crying and say that your pet died. There is going to be a long pause on my end before I say, 'Um, well...that kinda sucks." And then I will think of reasons to get off the phone and perhaps even hang up as a last resort if you don't get the hint. That may sound heartless but you can't say you were not warned. I once saw two dogs eating another dog that was roadkill on the side of the road. Later that night I watched my sister's dog lick her face. I almost threw up on the spot. Later, my brother in law, Rene, told me sometimes Sandy eats shit. Literally. Hers, the shit belonging to the two cats they have, and sometimes other random shit lying on the grass. WTF?

Why on earth would you willingly PAY for something that shits in your house and chews up your favorite pair of shoes? It leaves dander and fur all over the darkest piece of furniture you own. It can’t feed itself, groom itself, hell it can’t even be left alone to fend for itself. The money involved to feed, shelter, groom, train, and in general, care for is ridiculous. Not to mention the annoyances of having it bark, chew, and scratch to communicate with you and others. All these things are symptoms of lunacy for me. Why else would someone call themselves ‘Dog Whisperer’ and expect to be taken seriously? But the true insanity is that people do! This guy gets paid to talk to pets and ‘translate’ for lack of a better word, for their owners. Meanwhile, I am kicking myself for not thinking of that scam first.

STOP RIGHT THERE:
I know what you are thinking, I have a kid. I know. I have heard this weak-minded protest before. And each time the person thinks of this argument, I never get tired of watching the epiphany streak across the person’s face. He or she almost wants to yell ‘Ah ha! But you have a child!’** To which I am ready to say ‘Ah ha! No dice sweet heart.’ And let me explain why. My child, and the majority of children, save for Octomom’s kids, are FREE! Their papers, AKA birth certificates, are free! Sure, the expenses for a child are higher or at least SHOULD be higher than those of caring for an animal. It’s outrageous to me the comparative care and expense for animals versus children. I seriously started a chart for your viewing pleasure, outlining the differences, but I lost interest in something that seems SO obvious. Paying for day care versus obedience school and diapers versus litter boxes are things to be considered. But for every tit for tat argument, here is the real deal. Children mature and grow into adults who eventually take care of you. They can be potty trained, taught to communicate, even become helpful around the house. Dogs/cats don’t progress much beyond the skill set they were born with. If you don’t believe me, try asking your golden retriever to pre-pay your first 3 months in a retirement home.

Don’t get me started on mice, gerbils, or any other rodents that people claim are domestic pets. If there are ton of companies whose sole purpose is to rid homes of pests like the creature you love and adore—rethink that one. And this is a sure fire way to make sure I won’t visit, so send me an email with this info in BOLD letters won’t you?

Hmm…fish and turtles are ok. Except for salmonella.

I hope this answers any requests for doggie-sitting in the future.

Another example of the insanity.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090428/ap_on_fe_st/odd_chihuahua_touchdown
If you have money for a pet psychic—come to my house (but leave your pet at home) and I can think of 1000 ways to better spend your money.

**This argument under any circumstances will never work. Try Me.

Another Reason To Hate Taco Bell

2009-04-24T11:20:00.004-05:00

Ok aside from the obvious reasons like E. Coli and just plain nasty food and nastier kitchens, (No seriously, in the past five years I have only ordered one drink and promptly fell ill), my despise for Taco Bell hit an all time high the other night.

So for my marketing class I have to be on the lookout for particular commercials and analyze them. This turns my world upside down. Who watches TV for the commercials? That’s useful time I spend moving my clothes from the washer to the dryer, checking my email, or getting another Dr Pepper. You know, crucial activities. And typically I only watch movies, or my favorite shows on DVD, but here I am, painfully waiting for commercials.

And the other night (note the time of a day), this commercial starts out lame and I am expecting it to be for the anti-herpes drug, a car I can’t afford, or even hear ‘priceless’ at the end. Check out the commercial here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6v9_QCC2Sk

Is it just me or did this commercial completely miss the mark? I told Jim that I hate this commercial because it tries to make you feel like crap. And for those of you with feelings—it probably worked! Why try to make me feel like crap? I didn’t drop out. In fact, I am exhausted in bed after finishing my paper for my master’s program and watching this stupid commercial for my marketing class. Clearly, I don’t have problems with my commitment to academia. Why is this on TV at the time of day when all the productive people are getting ready for work the next day?

Shouldn’t this be on between the hours of 10-4 with all the other commercials aimed at dropouts and burnouts? I mean ITT and Everett Institute know the prime time slots are in between Maury and Tyra and maybe Oprah. They got it right…they stuck their ads in between the drama of paternity tests. YOU ARE THE FATHER! By the way, when I am home sick, I watch Wife Swap and Law and Order marathons after 10 minutes of Maury rots my brain. Oh the joys of cable!

Taco Bell/Foundation for Teens…fire your marketing team. This commercial does not make me want to finish high school, it does not make me feel bad for dropouts, it does not make me want to eat at Taco Bell, hell it doesn’t even give me that warm, fuzzy feeling that Taco Bell is somehow giving dropouts a virtual hug and trying to give back to the community.

No. Instead, it makes me hate Taco Bell, even more for trying to make me feel bad when I did my part. And it means more commercial watching for a great Airline marketing advertisement. Which if I was an Airline Company, I would say ‘Fly Us [insert name here]…we don’t crash into the Hudson’. Priceless.

Stalking My Bedding Set

2009-04-23T14:12:00.008-05:00

So I have decided that our decor in our bedroom has been ill-matched for too long. That began the search for a new bedding set--one that in reality matches closely with the perfect image in my mind. As Jim can tell you, my insane quests always begin---I don't know what I want, but I will know it when I see it. Once I get a whiff of this image I have a fixed idea of what I want and it's unrelenting. So Jim goes to the search engines at his fingertips and clicks away looking for the idea of perfection he thinks that I think I have in my mind. I had a few stipulations-- must be white/black/grey/red or combination of those colors. Practice makes perfect--because after countless 'no's, 'no way's, and 'hell no's in my mind--Jim sent me the perfect picture of the bedding more ideal than I could imagine. Jim is my hero!

--Side note: If at this point you are thinking I am lame or whatever because I obsess over bedding, no one is MAKING you read this.

Back to the bedding perfection. It was so perfect I was willing to pay damn near anything to possess it. This is the problem with me. Once I fancy something, I obsess over it and over it and over it and I must own/possess/capture it. A little weird I know. But hey, that kind of drive gets me through the day. And to my shock, my choices were sold out! I emailed Williams-Sonoma requesting that they search WS stores for my beloved bedding. Once I hit send, I suspected this was not the route to go and asked Jim to call and speak to a human. The suspense was killing me...and then the answer came.... zero nationwide. My heart sank...how excited I was, the turnaround of my day.

So Jim, in typical Jim fashion, already knowing my distress began to call around in search of someone who could make this ideal picture into reality. Custom Order Duvets. Who would have thought? I mean I would have but I was currently bummed out by my recent defeat. I'm sure there are some people reading this wondering what the hell? Yes I know the sky is falling and our financial system is broken. But hey don't sweat the small stuff...or is it take pleasure in the simple things? Whichever it is...all I know is everyday I leave my place of employment currently laying off employees, spend 79 minutes on my bus ride home next to people I can't stand, trying to concentrate on my book despite the bumps and potholes, spend 1.7 miles driving for 12 more minutes in bumper to bumper traffic and I want to crawl into my bed covered with a houndstooth duvet.

At time of post, Jim had spent time talking to WS contacts in Italty, Canada, and the UK with no luck. King size bedding is apparently only in America. Searches of the internet has only turned up knock off bedding on ebay.

Law and Order Brings Order to My World

2009-04-23T08:37:00.007-05:00

So the other night Jim crashed out on me during an episode of Law & Order which left me watching the twist and then the next twist all by myself...followed by hours of mind-numbing television that left me questioning why we pay for cable. Several things wrong with this situation:

1) Jim always (seriously) rubs my head until I fall asleep, not sure what he does after that but I am happily dreaming and semi-snoring.
2) The episode of Law & Order was crazy! And I didn't have anyone to say 'DAMN! Didn't see that one coming!' to.
3) Left unattended, I am bound to immerse myself into an overwhelming, sometimes pointless, but usually noisy project.

However, I am trying to respect Jim's REM cycle more since he gets grumpy without sleep. So I surfed the channels. Yes I can't fall asleep without the TV now and L&O reruns are perfect to fall asleep to. But despite my version of reality, apparently L&O DOES NOT have reruns on, spin offs included, 24 hours a day. I surrendered to BET and watched DEEP BLUE SOMETHING with Samuel L Jackson. Ok for such a kick ass actor (come on, Pulp Fiction Rocked) how does he end up on these skid-row movies like Snakes on a Plane and a knock off Jaws (though I have never seen it, so I can only compare in theory)? He must enjoy making them or his agent sucks. Anyway...so after watching LL J Cool (no seriously, he's the second most famous person in this movie it's so bad) hide in an oven from the shark I wandered around looking for something to do. I found Tylenol PM and promptly took 2. Never mind it was after 1 am.

Fast forward to Jim nudging, shaking, coaxing me out of bed to go to work. Trudging along in my Tylenol induced haze, I finally reach the end of my workday.

So Jim picks up Anthony from day care as usual. And the most important question to Anthony is always ‘What are we going to eat for dinner?’ What can I say? He’s my kid for sure. So Jim tells me the conversation:

“What are we going to eat for dinner?”

“Your mom is very tired and she is probably going to come home and go right to sleep.”

“Ok, but what are we going to eat for dinner?”

“I guess I can make you something to eat.”

“But my mom cooks with love, it’s special.”

“I can cook with love too.”

“It’s not the same.”

Never mind this is the child that I have to threaten, bribe and force into eating half of my cooking. This kid could eat Doritos for dinner every day and not get sick of it. But the one day I am trying to recover from my over the counter, over medicated night (light weight, I know) then the kid misses my cooking.

But then again, what should I expect? He’s my kid. It only makes sense he is fickle. To sum it all up, Jim made him a PB&J bagel sandwich and he ate it in between pouts and Scooby-Doo episodes. Then Anthony complained that he was being starved when I tucked him in that night. I didn’t get a nap but I sure didn’t cook either. I did bake Banana Nut Bread though.

See, if only Jim had finished L&O.